Page 91 of If We Say Goodbye


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My stomach begins to rage. I set her phone down in my lap, facing her with a timid gaze. “It’s okay. Tell me.”

“Are you sure?” Tears gather at the brim of her eyes, not yet spilling over.

“Yes.”

“It’s his voice.” She takes a breath. “When I hear it, I’m reminded that I’m starting to forget the way he sounds.”

I fidget with my hands. Am I starting to forget it too? I’ve pushed him out of my mind so far that I don’t think I could recall it without a video either.

She bites her lip. “I picture him sometimes—pretend he’s still around—because it’s easier than being lonely. Don’t give me a weird look. I’m not crazy. I realize it’s my imagination. I just need him around, even if it’s all in my head.”

Here I had assumed that she was functioning way better than me. She shows up everywhere with a big smile and a laugh. On the inside, she’s struggling just as much as I am.

I can’t seem to acknowledge him, and she can’t seem to let him go.

She continues, “The world seems to have already forgotten him, and I loathe that. It’s not right. He was the best guy I knew.” She’s not wrong. Ethan always went above and beyond to help others. “I’ve convinced myself that, if I focus on him, every little detail, then I won’t forget him, but each day he fades a little more. That terrifies me. Is it really that easy to forget someone?”

No, it’s not. I’ve tried, but he’s still there in the back of my mind.

“Then I think, if it’s so easy for people to forget him, how much easier would it be to forget someone like me?”

“No one’s going to ever forget you,” I say. “Come on, you’re the life of every party.” She has the amazing ability to turn heads, to captivate everyone in the room, and she’s not afraid to unapologetically be herself.

She half laughs. “Why do you think I do that?”

I never realized there was a reason behind the way she acted, but it all makes sense now. Sadie doesn’t want to be forgotten.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“I didn’t forget you.”

She puts the car in park, but she doesn’t look at me. “Sometimes it feels like you did.”

My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach like an anchor. How did I let it get this bad? Sadie didn’t do anything to deserve it. “Could we try to be friends again?” I say, voice cracking.

Her eyes lift with a soft smile. “I’d like that.”

“Okay, just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Don’t force me to wear ruffles. I beg you.”

She laughs. “Oh, I can’t promise that. There are definitely going to be some ruffles.”

I roll my eyes and smile.

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

Sadie wasn’t kiddingwhen she said I’d be trying on ruffles. Sadie in a dress shop is the equivalent of a kid in a candy store. Immediately, she starts grabbing dresses off the racks and holding them up to me. Before I know it, she has an arm full—so many that her face barely rises above the mound.

She hurries to the changing room. “Can you help me hang these up?”

I lighten the load by at least five dresses, hanging them on one of the hooks. The dressing room is exploding with pops of color.

Sadie squeals. “Try this one first.”

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