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He was asking me? “I’m not sure what you want me to say. If you want me to tell you how you ended up submitting to him, I don’t know. It was all very sudden, and I didn’t understand the power dynamic between thetwo of you. He looked into your eyes, and you obeyed him. It was like mind control or something.”
“That’s how it felt for me, too. It was like he took over my brain and made me do what he wanted. Hell, he made me want it in the moment, even though I’ve never wanted to so much as touch a man before, let alone…”
“Do what he did,” I finished for him when the silence became awkward.
“Exactly.” He heaved a sigh, his broad chest lifting and falling with the exaggerated breath. I planted a kiss on his sternum and rubbed my face there.
“Sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment that don’t make sense, but that doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with it. It’s an experience you can check off.”
“This has never been on any list of things I wanted to try,” he protested. “I let a man fuck me in the ass while you watched.”
He was looking at me now, as though he expected me to flinch at his words.
“I’m glad I was with you.”
He frowned. “Why are you glad you were there? You didn’t find it disturbing to see your dominant being dominated?”
“There’s always going to be a bigger dog, no matter who you are, Val. So, we crossed paths with someone who had your number in the bedroom. How often do you think we’re going to meet someone like that? We’re almost thirty, and this is the first time it’s happened. It might be the only time it will ever happen, and now you know what it’s like.”
“You don’t think less of me? You don’t think I’m weak?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. That man could seduce a ninety-five-year-old nun if he set his mind to it. That doesn’t change who you are. That doesn’t change who we are to each other.”
He kissed the top of my head, and his chest convulsed. At first, I thought it was a silent laugh, but then I realized it was a sob he hadn’t given voice to.
“I love you. I’m sorry I did this to us. I’m sorry I pushed you into doing this stupid hotwife thing and that you had to see me submit to another man.” He drew another quick breath. Was he trying not to cry?
I hugged him tighter.
“I’m sorry I was so exacting when I was teaching you how to give me blow jobs, and how rough I was the first few times I took your ass. I honestly had no fucking idea.”
“We learned together.”
“I was such an idiot. A self-centered, ignorant asshole.” His voice hitched on the last word. Was his aching?
“Did he make you bleed?”
“No. Thankfully he knew what he was doing, unlike teenage me. You should have left me.”
“Never. It’s never crossed my mind—not once in the entire time we’ve been together.” I smiled against his chest. “Not even the time Alex Hutchison asked me out.”
A rumble of anger filled the small shower. “Alex Hutchison needs to be curb stomped within an inch of his life.”
I giggled. “You can’t still be mad about that.”
“I’m still bitter he never became a businessman. I would buy his business then burn it to the ground.”
“Valor Davenport,” I playfully admonished, “Alex was a nice boy. We were also thirteen.”
“Tarryn Davenport,” he replied darkly, “Alex was a stupid cunt, and I broke his nose to make sure he remembered who you belonged to.”
“So violent,” I murmured, rubbing up against him. This was familiar territory. I had been teasing him about this ever since Alex had asked me to our middle school grad dance, and Valor had lost his shit. I still felt bad for Alex. I never should have told Valor he’d asked in the first place, but I had been flattered.
Finally, he lifted his arms. Rather than hugging me, he cradled the back of my head, pressing my face against his chest. I kissed him there, rubbing my lips against the crisp patch of chest hair that still felt like a relatively new development in our relationship, even though it had been around for a long while.
“You really don’t think this is going to change things between us?”
In answer, I dropped to my knees, wincing at the bite of the tile against my bare skin. I licked the head of his cock. It twitched against my tongue. Watching him with Loïc had been hot, but I’d also been jealous. I didn’t have the attitude or right parts to make him feel the way Loïc had. Once the shock wore off, what if he wanted more? Could I handle sharing him with men? I would insist on him taking me along, at the very least.
