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“You flew all the way to Prague and broke into her house?”
“I didn’t have to break anything. She has agreeable security guards and simple locks. She’s an actor—a gifted one. Then she gave me permission to meet her at her apartment. I brought her food, and then I seduced her and called her husband to make him watch.”
Jack pushed themself up in bed. “You flew all the way there to stalk this woman, and she invited you to her apartment?”
“Have you looked at me?” I asked, indignantly. “Of course, she did.”
They leaned their head back against the wall and groaned. “Loïc, you need to call me before doing things like that. When did this happen?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been traveling a lot. Weeks ago?”
“And then you left her?”
“Yes. It’s inconvenient having them live so far apart. I had to fly all the way to Los Angeles to go see him after that.”
“You went to see him, too? Why?”
“He’s also very beautiful. They both are. Did I not mention that?” I bit my lip, trying not to sigh at the memory of pushing him to his knees. He’d been so torn about doing it—so adorable. “They are looking for a way to make their relationship more exciting, so I’m fucking with them. I’m going to break them up.”
“Loïc!” Jack slapped an exasperated hand to their forehead.
“What?”
They scowled at me, and I frowned back, trying to figure out what the problem was.
“It’s okay,” I assured them. I didn’t like when Jack was upset with me. “I fucked him, too. It’s not cheating if they’re both fucking the same person, is it?”
“I’m sure those poor people have no idea what kind of chaos they’ve invited into their lives. You can’t break them up just to make your life more exciting.”
“It’s not for me!” I protested. “It’s what they want.”
“What you’re doing isn’t healthy. Why don’t you find your own relationship instead of trying to ruin someone else’s?”
“I didn’t want a relationship at first. They approached me. Now I’m deciding whether he deserves her.”
Jack pressed their lips together in disapproval, and something in me quailed. Their disapproval always made me itch under my skin.
“You deserve someone who’s free to love you. There are plenty of people for you to date who you could be blissfully happy with, who are not currently in a relationship with someone else.”
“Why wait for someone to be single when I can have anyone, anytime?” I demanded. “That would be silly.”
Their sigh came out more as a growl of frustration. “Breaking up other people’s relationships is unethical.”
“Why?”
“Because it is. It’s a dick move.”
“If she’s happy with him, she won’t leave him for me. I don’t see what the problem is. Why should I have to wait and hope their relationship fails when I can test it out now?”
“You’re not a toddler. Why, why, why. Because it’s wrong, Loïc. It’s like we teach children—don’t touch the toy unless it’s your turn.”
“So, people are toys? But you told me they weren’t.”
“They’re not.”
“Well then you see my dilemma. I’m impatient, and they have free will, so there’s nothing to stop me, really.”
“It won’t make you any friends.”
