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On any other day that statement would have sparked my interest, but right now I needed to clear things up.

[Me] Someone texted me from your phone last night saying you took a pregnancy test and the results were inconclusive

[Nymph] Whaaat the fuck?

Oh god. It really hadn’t been her. I wanted to hunt the man down and strangle him…although the fucker might like that.

[Me] Let me speak to that French fuck

[Nymph] Sir, like I said, he was gone when I woke up

[Me] The next time you see him, you tell him I want to fucking talk to him

[Nymph] How are you going to murder him over the phone?

[Me] I’m so pissed, I’m sure I could figure it out

[Nymph] I’m so sorry he made you worry

[Me] You really aren’t pregnant?

[Nymph] Absolutely not. I just got my birth control shot. We’re all good

[Me] If you want a baby now, I’ll do my best to give you one

[Nymph] Um…Sir? Maybe we should talk about this when we have more time to talk, and maybe when you’re not upset

[Me] I mean it though. Say the word

[Nymph] You have to know I’d never get pregnant by him on purpose. You’re my husband

[Me] At this point, we wouldn’t know if it was his or mine

It was a strange thought.

[Nymph] If the kid came out speaking French, that would be a tipoff

An overwrought laugh escaped me that turned into a strangled sob. I wiped at my eyes.

[Me] You are such a brat sometimes

She wasn’t pregnant with another man’s baby. My lungs filled with too much air. I had time to make this right, but only if I could convince her not to leave me for him.

[Me] I love you, Nymph

[Nymph] I love you too, Sir. I have to go get ready for work

[Me] Can I watch?

[Nymph] Absolutely, but I can’t take too long or I’ll be late

I video called her, and sure enough, she was alone in bed. She was rumpled but wearing pajamas with sleeping cartoon dogs on them.

“Did he fuck you last night?” I asked.

“You sound jealous instead of turned on this time.” She rolled out of bed, and the shifting background almost made me heave. Fuck. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten so drunk.

“I am jealous.”

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