On any other day that statement would have sparked my interest, but right now I needed to clear things up.
[Me] Someone texted me from your phone last night saying you took a pregnancy test and the results were inconclusive
[Nymph] Whaaat the fuck?
Oh god. It really hadn’t been her. I wanted to hunt the man down and strangle him…although the fucker might like that.
[Me] Let me speak to that French fuck
[Nymph] Sir, like I said, he was gone when I woke up
[Me] The next time you see him, you tell him I want to fucking talk to him
[Nymph] How are you going to murder him over the phone?
[Me] I’m so pissed, I’m sure I could figure it out
[Nymph] I’m so sorry he made you worry
[Me] You really aren’t pregnant?
[Nymph] Absolutely not. I just got my birth control shot. We’re all good
[Me] If you want a baby now, I’ll do my best to give you one
[Nymph] Um…Sir? Maybe we should talk about this when we have more time to talk, and maybe when you’re not upset
[Me] I mean it though. Say the word
[Nymph] You have to know I’d never get pregnant by him on purpose. You’re my husband
[Me] At this point, we wouldn’t know if it was his or mine
It was a strange thought.
[Nymph] If the kid came out speaking French, that would be a tipoff
An overwrought laugh escaped me that turned into a strangled sob. I wiped at my eyes.
[Me] You are such a brat sometimes
She wasn’t pregnant with another man’s baby. My lungs filled with too much air. I had time to make this right, but only if I could convince her not to leave me for him.
[Me] I love you, Nymph
[Nymph] I love you too, Sir. I have to go get ready for work
[Me] Can I watch?
[Nymph] Absolutely, but I can’t take too long or I’ll be late
I video called her, and sure enough, she was alone in bed. She was rumpled but wearing pajamas with sleeping cartoon dogs on them.
“Did he fuck you last night?” I asked.
“You sound jealous instead of turned on this time.” She rolled out of bed, and the shifting background almost made me heave. Fuck. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten so drunk.
“I am jealous.”