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“Aren’t you allowed back in?”
“Do you think I’d letanyonekeep me out here when my wife needs me?” he snarled.
“You’re lettingyoukeep yourself out here when your wife needs you.”
He turned a baleful glare in my direction, and I braced for him to blow up.
“Rodrigo won’t let me intimidate the doctors anymore.”
“I’m sure they won’t do their best work if they’re afraid of you snapping their necks.”
“What am I supposed to do to help if I can’t do that?”
“Just be there for her? Hold her hand?”
He glanced down at the hand he’d held mine with, as though it was a novel idea.
“Okay.” He bolted out of the hall and back into the operating room, or whatever they called it in this fancy place. This was definitely not the normal hospital I’d gone to when I’d sliced open my hand accidentally in Severin’s workshop. The nicely upholstered bench I was now sitting on was comfortable enough to sleep on, and the table at my elbow held an array of complementary snack items.
A clinic worker walking by did a double take when she saw me. She didn’t say anything, though. For the first time, I wondered if she was checking me out or if she’d recognized me from Rose Red. It was strange that someone might notice me for anything other than the objective attractiveness of the meat suit my brain drove around in.
From beyond the door came the murmur of voices.
I imagined being my brother—having two partners who loved me. Having two, going on four, sweet children. Severin had his own family, who loved him unconditionally—it was all I’d ever wanted.
Ashamed of myself, I remembered the mess I’d made trying to force my way into their family. Guilt, and humiliation over my actions swelled in my chest, threatening to swamp me. I could almost hear Jack reminding me to be kind to that younger version of myself—that I’d been like a starving kid dropped in the middle of a candy store. I’d been desperate, lonely, and hadn’t known how to behave.
Every day I was grateful I hadn’t ruined my brother’s family, although maybe it was hubris for me to think I ever could have ruined something so perfect—so messy and beautiful and real.
It was the same with Tarryn and Valor. They loved each other so much that none of my boat-rocking had caused significant waves in their relationship. They’d communicated through it all, and their bond seemed to keep getting stronger. Would they ever truly let me in? They liked theexcitement I brought to the bedroom, but they still didn’t know me—not like I knew them.
On the other side of the door, Rodrigo crowed with joy. My brother’s voice rumbled. A baby cried.
I cried, too, grinning like a fool, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.
Minutes later, a second set of lungs joined the complaint of the first. I found myself touching the closed door, as though someone as flawed as I was could bless them.
Welcome to the world, little monsters.
I wandered down the hall, stretching my legs. My imagination put me here with different people. Valor and I could be walking Tarryn up and down these halls, helping her through contractions. Like in Severin’s family, it wouldn’t matter to me if our baby was biologically related to me. I would treasure every blessed hair on the child’s head.
I imagined the three of us becoming four. Tarryn’s elation. Valor’s pride.
My heart hurt, wishing more than anything that one day I would have people who loved me the way Severin was loved, whom I could love the way Severin loved his family.
Much later, my brother came out of the room. I was shocked he’d left them even for a moment.
“She’s safe. All three of them are safe.” He grinned at me, the effect both heartwarming and downright terrifying, considering my brother’s shaggy intensity. I rose and held out my hand to shake his. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into an impulsive hug, and his affectionate thumps on the back knocked the wind out of me. I hugged him back, my eyes burning with more tears I managed not to shed.
He let me go, looking sheepish either about the hug, or his earlier anxiety.
“Two boys—Aurelius and Tiberius. Seven pounds three ounces, and six pounds eight ounces.”
“You’re a lucky man.”
His eyes shone with elation. “Thanks for being here to talk me down.”
“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”
