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I pushed our foreheads together, our breaths mingled as one until the outside world blurred. Our lips hovered so close together that all I had to do was lean a fraction of an inch and we would be kissing, but something kept me from taking that leap. As much as I wanted to mate with her, kissing her meant giving her a piece of me that I didn’t know I wanted to…or would ever have been able to.
“Katarina,” I whispered, thrusting into her wanting her so bad that the two sides of me were at war. The wolf in me already thought of her as ours, but the man was still afraid. I didn’t know if I could love her like she deserved. Or what if she didn’t love me?
“It’s ok,” she said, and I didn’t know if her words were for me or for herself.
She pulled me towards her mouth, but I couldn’t. I turned my head to give her my cheek, but I distracted her with a faster pace. I felt guilty, but I was still confused.
“Just fuck me, Zev,” she moaned as she bit my ear.
“One more, Hellcat, give me one.” I leaned her back just enough so I could stroke her clit.
Katarina was already strung so tight it didn’t take long for her to explode, taking me along with her. I leaned us against the bookshelf as we got our breathing under control.
“Katarina,” I cleared my throat.
“Don’t Zev, we can’t, and you know it. Don’t force the bond when you’re still so unsure and…”
“You started out as the enemy, but now… now you don’t feel like it anymore. Now you feel…”
“Don’t, Zev.” She pushed me back as she climbed out of my hold. “Don’t make me fall in love with you only for me to lose you too, because you would be so easy to love.”
She grabbed her sweater off the floor, slipping it on while I tucked myself in my pants.
“If I die, they need you sane, they will need you more than ever and… and I… I can’t do that to them.” Katarina’s words turned into a whisper.
When I turned around to look at her, she had tears rolling down her face. Lucien and Aeon had given us privacy.
“They need you to take care of them with a straight head on,” she said, walking away. “I need you to keep them alive and well, please do that for me. You can’t fall in love with me.”
“Loving you would be as easy as breathing, but make no mistake, losing you would still be hard. Whatever we have…”
“Don’t make this harder, Zev,” she whispered.
She walked away leaving me with feelings I didn’t know how to unpack. I was confused and all I wanted to do was leave my mark on her. I needed to claim her in every way possible and give her ownership of my heart, but she was right. If she died, my brothers would be lost with a fate worse than being cursed. Sometimes I still felt like this was the Belladonna’s plan all along. Fall in love with one of them, only for us to be left with a worse future than just being cursed. In love and insane for all time.
10
KATARINA
My anxiety was through the roof. I hadn’t been able to sit down to get through this list I needed for Serena. Every time I sat down to get to work, I felt like I was suffocating, like I had a weight on my chest that was threatening to crush me. The weight of this curse was making me go crazy.
I grabbed a few crystals and herbs, put them into a bag, with a big jar of salt. Ostara, our spring holiday was just around the corner, making me even more anxious that time was running out.
Taking a deep breath to quell the nervous energy I always seemed to have with me, I stepped out of the room to head to the library. Sex with the guys yesterday didn’t do what I needed it to do. I felt like it displaced us even more. Aeon was upset with me, Lucien was distant and Zev… I didn’t even know how to deal with them at the moment.
It didn’t help that the vision I saw when I went back to the bedroom was of all of them holding on to me. I looked lifeless with Lucien’s face wet with tears, Aeon looking void of emotion, and Zev holding on to me like I was his everything.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Aeon had said nothing is ever definitive, but last night that vision felt final, like that was definitely my future and I had been a mess ever since. Maybe I should have gone with Serena? Maybe I could have avoided death by leaving, but kept looking until I found something.
“Kit Kat.” I looked up to see Lucien at the door with only a pair of pants on.
“Lucien,” I said, hating the awkwardness.
“You’re going to want to come with me,” he said, turning around. He looked over his shoulder, nodding his head to follow him.
“Ok,” I said, my stomach tightening with nerves.
I followed him out the door, walking towards his art room. We passed it going down the hallway to a part of the castle I had never been through. There was a staircase at the end of the hallway going up until we encountered a small latch. Lucien opened it, helping me through until we were on the roof.
