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“Okay, so…” Alex faltered, struggling to pick just one of the half-dozen thoughts swirling through his brain. “So, what you said a few days ago—about how life is much more fun if it’s my own. What if I took control?”
“Sounds generally good to me.” Jeff nodded his approval. “What exactly does that mean, though?”
Alex wished he had a ready-made answer rather than fragments of one. “It’s like… There are all these expectations, right? And I’m so used to letting that define me. But I’m already defying my parents—it started with football, and now, with this whole mess, I’m refusing to do as I’m told. So why not go all the way?”
“All the way?”
“What if I came out?” It sounded … God, it sounded big, said out loud like that. Really fucking scary. Alex forced himself to push on regardless. “Someone’s got to follow in Ben Jimmer’s footsteps eventually, right? And maybe, if Lee is—I haven’t asked him, mind. Hell, I barely know what the fuck I’m saying. I just… I’m so tired, Jeff. I’m so fuckingtiredof being what others want me to be.”
“Good.” With that, Jeff scooped Alex up in a brief but heartfelt hug. “I’m all for it, yeah?” he said when he pulled back. “I’ll be right here cheering you on with my pom-poms and all. Just making sure, though, because it’s a bit sudden and all… What brought this on?”
I don’t want this to end.
“Kind of … everything, I think?” Alex made a sweeping gesture. “My dad facing a corruption charge, me being in this bubble for all those weeks and away from my daily routine. Starting to feel like I actually belong here, like I’ve earned this.” He cleared his throat. “Lee.”
Jeff’s smile was huge. “You finally put a label on it, then?”
Had they?
“In a way,” Alex said. “I think? Lee told me last night he doesn’t want it to end, the thing with us—that even if we lose tonight—”
“Let’s not,” Jeff interrupted.
“Let’s not,” Alex agreed. “But even if we do, he said he wants to … keep going. So.”
“And what did you say?” Jeff asked.
“I mean, well.” Alex thought back to the night before—darkness wrapped around them, Lee’s solid warmth against his back and the velvety murmur of Lee’s voice, the words slotting into the gaps between Alex’s ribs and settling in for the long haul. “I didn’t really, uh … say anything? It was just before we fell asleep, and it wasn’t like Lee asked for an answer or anything. He just put it out there, and then we kissed and went to sleep.”
Jeff narrowed his eyes. “And what did you say this morning?”
Alex was starting to get a bad feeling about this. “Lee was still asleep. I needed to sort myself out first, hence our chat here.”
“So let me get this straight.” Jeff’s tone was dangerously patient. “Lee says that to him, this thing between the two of you matters—you say nothing. And then you sneak out before he wakes up.”
Alex scuffed a hand through his hair. “It sounds bad when you put it like that.”
“Youthink?”
“I should…” Alex pointed at the hotel, and the sharpness in Jeff’s eyes faded slightly.
“Yeah, you really should. Oh, just one more thing? Whatever happens with you and Lee—something great, hopefully—it doesn’t mean you have to come out immediately.”
Okay, true. But there was a part of Alex that felt eager to just fuckingdoit—rip off the bandaid and jump in the deep end and learn how to swim across the bloody Atlantic.
That didn’t make it a brilliant idea, though.
“Point taken.” Alex rose from the sun lounger and paused for a smile. “Thanks, mate. You’re the best.”
Jeff looked pleased. “Eh. You’d do the same for me.”
“I would,” Alex said. “Anytime you face some life-altering decisions? Just give me a call and I’ll be there.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Jeff made a shooing motion, eyes bright. “Now go, yeah? Get your man before he realises you’re kind of an idiot and finds someone a little less ridiculous.”
“I’m going.” Two steps, then Alex turned right back around and gave Jeff a hug that Jeff returned, laughing. When Alex made his way back to the hotel, he felt weightless, damn near invincible.
This was his life, and he intended to finally act like it.
