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“We just—” Lee cleared his throat. “We got so fuckingclose.”
“If I just,” Oliver started, and Alex stepped on his foot.
“Shut up. Not your fault.” He raised his voice just a little. “Not anyone’s fault. Someone had to lose, and today, it was our turn.”
He could feel Lee’s rough intake of air, could feel Jeff trembling with aftershocks of adrenaline, Oliver visibly gathering himself before he straightened. “Showtime,” was all he said.
Alex held onto Lee for a second after Jeff and Oliver let go, then he stepped back as well. They spread out, Alex sluggish as he moved around the pitch to comfort teammates and congratulate opponents because it was all part of the job, wasn’t it? Winning, losing—sometimes you were up, and sometimes you were down.
And sometimes it just sucked.
The official ceremonyequipped them with silver medals, and wasn’t it funny how second place would have sounded like an amazing accomplishment to Alex just a few short weeks ago? Now, it was a disappointment. He shook hands and nodded at one FIFA official after another, then some political figures, the Queen, and Prince Joshua, who sent Alex a sad smile. “Sorry about your ankle.”
“Sorry about my dad,” Alex replied, and Joshua chuckled.
“We don’t get to pick our parents, do we?”
Alex was moved along before he could answer, but the words stayed with him—off-handed advice from a near-stranger that didn’t offer anything new, but hearing it out loud made a difference somehow. By the time they were finally ushered onto the bus, tiredness was dragging at Alex. He sunk into a seat with Jeff beside him, their silver medals already packed away, Jeff uncharacteristically quiet.
The rows around them filled with players and staff, darkness thick outside the windows as the bus left the underground garage, replaced by city lights once they turned onto Madrid’s roads. The hotel was just a short drive away, its park-like property already familiar from the other two times they’d stayed here after a game, the white Belle Époque facade bright against the night sky when the bus pulled up. It was where Alex had come out to Jeff, wasn’t it? It seemed like a century ago.
Alex was about to get up when Kieran took to the aisle and clapped his hands. “Lads. A minute of your attention, please?”
What little talking there had been tapered off.
“No one feels like a party right now, and that’s fine.” Kieran inserted a deliberate pause, and when he continued, his voice was serious. “But I want you to know that I’m so fuckingproudof you all. We didn’t lose the World Cup, okay? We won second place. Germans have this term that translates to ‘vice world champions’—that’s us, and that’s bloody amazing.”
Alex glanced around at tired, disappointed faces. Jeff slid lower in his seat with his arms crossed, chin tucked against his chest.
“I know,” Kieran said. “It doesn’t feel amazing right now. I get it. But I hope that when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll start to appreciate it. And” —a wicked smile— “in four years? We’ll give them hell.”
It drew some scattered applause and a few nods. Kieran seemed unsurprised at the lacklustre reaction, his smile softening.
“All right, guys. See your families, get some sleep, and I’ll see you all in the morning.”
There was no one waiting for Alex. Of course there wasn’t—there never had been. He’d be alone tonight, Lee tied up with his mum and sisters, and Jeff with his parents, brothers, and Isabella. Alex knew that Jeff would happily invite Alex to hang out with them, but Jeff introducing a girl to his family so soon was kind of a big deal, and Alex didn’t want to get in the way of that. It was fine.
He parted with Jeff after a hug and caught Lee’s eyes for a brief smile as he made his way towards the room where he’d already dropped his stuff earlier, Lee helping him with his suitcase so Alex wouldn’t overexert himself. “Best boyfriend ever,” Alex had told him with a wink.
“Only boyfriend ever,” Lee had countered, and there was that.
“Best romantic partner ever.”
Lee had laughed softly, almost like he didn’t believe Alex when it wastrue—Alex’s previous relationships hadn’t been bad, not at all, but they’d been … superficial. Fun and mutual attraction, never anything that chipped away at the protective layers he’d wrapped around himself. It might have been his fault entirely, keeping everyone at arm’s length in a way he simply hadn’t managed with Lee. Hadn’t wanted to, maybe.
Before Alex could argue the point, Jeff had barged into the room to speedtalk about some thing or another, the way he got before important matches. Since Alex wasn’t about to declare his romantic notions where Jeff could hear and make fun of him, it had put an effective end to whatever he might have told Lee otherwise.
It felt like a missed chance, now that their last night in Spain brought reality crashing in. Yeah, they’d agreed that they didn’t want this thing between them to end and Lee had called Alex ‘babe’ a handful of times, hadn’t corrected Alex referring to them as boyfriends either—but they’d made no plans for after. They’d been busy, though.
Silence spun out when Alex closed the door to his suite. He didn’t turn on the light, just ditched his duffle bag by the bed and stepped up to the window front, the multi-coloured glow of the city keeping the darkness at bay. Bone-deep tiredness weighed him down, but his mind was still buzzing, snatches of the day replaying behind his lids each time he blinked—Lee’s goal and Oliver’s face as he’d retrieved the ball after Brazil had taken the lead; Jeff on the ground and Lee just standing there; the weight of the silver medal as it had been placed around Alex’s neck. God, he didn’t want to be alone tonight.
Suck it up.
Since he wasn’t about to sleep anytime soon, Alex sat down in an armchair, propped up his foot, and dug his phone out of his pocket. Might as well do some research, right?
Just … in case.
A quiet knocksome ten minutes later made Alex look up. It came again, so he got up and crossed over to the door, checking the peephole.Lee. He was looking off to the side, discomfort twisting his mouth, and Alex quickly let him in, bodies brushing as Lee moved past Alex into the room. After a quick glance to confirm that the corridor lay empty, Alex closed the door and turned with a smile.
