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“When you died, you took a piece of me with you. I’ll never have that back. I don’t want it back, I just want you here. I’m so angry that you’re gone. You fucking left me!” I screamed.
My voice echoed over the water as I let the tears start to fall. I stood up to face the empty lake, wallowing in the new emotion taking over.
“How am I supposed to deal with this life alone? How am I supposed to deal with having a pack without you? You weremeantto be my pack, my Alpha. How could you leave me, Everett? How?!”
My words cut off with a loud sob. My body shook with the force of my sobs, each one cutting me to my core.
I screamed into the void over and over again as I tried to not break under the pressure of it all.
My chest ached, my throat was raw, and all I wanted to do was hit something.
I needed to let it out.
Under the surface I knew that Everett didn’t want to leave me. But at the end of the day,he did. He left me behind and didn’t let me follow, left me to find the pieces of myself, to put myself back together without his help.
I’ll never be the same. It felt like I was a piece of fine china that was broken and someone had glued back together. The fractures were visible, and they always would be. I’d read once about Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken things with gold. It was never the same again, but it was even more beautiful after.
There were small chips in my soul that could never be put back even as something new held me together. Maybe one day I’d be beautiful like that, something new and transformed.
I had a pack that wanted to try and heal me. And god, I wanted to let them. But how could I be the omega they needed when I couldn’t even function properly right now?
“Fuck!” I screamed out so loud that my voice broke. It echoed along the lake as tears blurred my vision again.
Heavy footsteps on the dock had me spinning around, facing off with Riven—the last person I wanted to see right now.
As the angry tears cascaded down my face, I held up a hand between us, telling him to stop.
“I can’t do this right now. Please, just leave me alone,” I begged, my voice breaking again.
I sounded pathetic. He didn’t need another reason to find me lacking.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, like that was the end of the argument. “Let it out, baby girl. You have to. Otherwise, it’ll consume you and eat away at you until there’s nothing left.”
“Screaming at him isn’t going to fix this,” I said with a defeated sob.
“Sounds like it was doing you some good,” he said with a shrug before sitting down at the end of the dock. He seemed so casual and calm but I could see the worry in his eyes.
Riven wrapped his arms around one knee and stared out over the water. I sat down but didn’t say a word as I picked up one of the rocks I’d collected on the walk here and launched them into the water with as much force as I could manage.
There was no skipping involved, it just plopped on the surface before sinking below the water.
I’d thrown three before he bothered to say anything again.
“Don’t stop on my account. You need to let it go.”
“I don’t need a fucking coach,” I growled, grabbing another rock and slamming it down forcefully enough it splashed back on us. “Or an audience.”
He let out a little chuckle. “If you want me to be the bad guy, baby girl, I’ll be the bad guy.”
That had me narrowing my eyes and turning to him. He didn’t look the least bit repetant.
“Let me guess, that pretty little head of yours is a mess, telling you that you’re not allowed to accept us, that youshouldfeel bad about letting us in because of him, am I right?”
I grabbed another rock, slamming it into the water as I got to my feet, adding more force to it.
“Not only that, you’re pissed off. You’re fucking angry that he left you to deal with all this alone. You’re furious that you have to feel bad every day. You’re mad that the promises he made to you were useless.”
“No, I’m fucking angry that I’m here,” I yelled. “I had an out planned, Riven. I was going to leave. I wasn’t going to have to do this anymore. I wasn’t going to have to wake up day after day and pretend that I was alright, that a world without him was anything I wanted to be in.”
