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"I used to be here just to get some money and piss off my dad. Now?" He looked up again. "I want to change things, J.D. I fucking love the PBR. I also know it's not perfect, and I want it to be. I want riders like Cody to get the respect they deserve. I want to see men slapping rainbows on helmets and vests for Pride. I am sick and fucking tired of us all being pushed to be so damned macho all the time, when most of us are fucking losers and dorks who just like riding bulls!"
"So what are you?" I asked. "What's your big goal, Jake Cunningham of wherever Nebraska?"
"You won't believe me if I told you," he said.
"Try me."
He pushed out a breath. "Um..." Then he bit his lips together. "My goal is to figure out who the fuck I am. All my life, I was so sure that if I could just ride well enough, my dad would come back. Stupid, and I get it. Thing is, I ride well enough, and I don't want him around. All my childhood dreams shattered, so now I'm doing what I know and trying to figure out what the fuck comes next."
I nodded, able to see how that would fuck a man up. "Naw, that makes sense."
"And they made me pick sides," he said softly. "I thought I could just stay neutral and keep my nose out of the PBR's drama, you know? I didn't want to deal with my dad. Didn't want him to say I was acting out to make him pay or to get his attention, or shit like that."
My eyes narrowed. "Which means he's important in the system."
"Fuck."
And now I was the one chuckling. "C'mon, Jake. Spill. We're all sharing our secrets, aren't we? Sharing is caring, ain't it?"
"You bi?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yep. And yeah, I'm with Cody too. Neither of 'em are a passing thing, and I'm only sayin' that because he's gonna come out soon too. Ain't gonna be no secrets no more, get me?"
"Donald Merrill," Jake said. "The president of the PBR is my father, and if his wife ever found out?"
"Same wife he had when he was fuckin' your momma?"
"Mhm," Jake agreed. "Oh, but it gets even more fun. See, Donald's wife is the one with the money. He blew through it all partying on tour. His wife? She's loaded, and two of her kids are older than me. One's three months younger. If he even admits I'm real, there's no way to explain me away."
"And you won't let him forget, hm?" I asked.
"Fuck no," Jake said. "He ruined my life, so I'll threaten to ruin his if I have to. And lately, well, let's just say I'm the best weapon Cody has."
"Yep," I agreed. "Sounds like you just might be." And I offered my hand. "Welcome to the club. Should probably tell ya it's an open thing with us. You wanna get with her, though, just know we won't put up with no shit."
"Sounds to me like she's a taken girl," he said even as he slapped his hand against mine. "But I'm gonna flirt."
"And when she likes it?" I asked.
His answer was simply to smile. Yeah, it was good enough. Jake was one of the good ones. Not perfect, no, but I was starting to think he might have a bit more substance to him than I'd expected. He'd also come clean - and quick - so I wouldn't go chasing him off.
Not yet, at least. Maybe later.
Chapter58
I got my mascara on.Eyeliner wasn't going to happen, since I couldn't pull my lid taut with a hurt arm. Still, after taking my hair out of the braid, it was nice and wavy, which looked real good under my hat. Since I was going to be on the big screen - and TV, most likely - I wanted to make sure I looked good for this.
I stepped out of the restroom to find my dad still leaning against the far wall, waiting. The moment his eyes landed on me, he smiled and pushed himself back up, gesturing for me to lead on.
"You know you'll see better up in the stands, right?" I asked.
"Yep," he agreed. "And I'll head up there once you're where you need to be," he promised.
"Dad..." I groaned. "I'm fine."
"And you had that boy beat up on you last weekend," he reminded me. "Let me have this, kiddo?"
"Ok," I relented, walking back to the staging area with him. Just as the press of bodies got thicker, though, Tim Moore called my name and pointed. Following his hand, I found J.D. wandering among the cowboys. He'd heard my name, it seemed, and was looking up, searching.
