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The PBR pushed us to the extreme. Not just to ride, but in everything. More drinking, more fucking, and more getting noticed. Yelling, fighting, and everything else was tolerated so long as it came from a man, but not all men were like that.
Thatwas the part I'd been missing! J.D. couldn't come out as bi without being shit on because then he was just as far from the ideal bull rider as I was. Jake couldn't come out as being nice or gentle because of the same reasons! That was what I was trying to change, wasn't it?
But all I could do was ride the damned bulls to do it. I could step up, strap on, and get bucked off - or ride for a full eight - but how was that really making a difference? Sure, it was doing great things for my bank account, but that was only good for me.
Yet Anthony had said I should be a sensation. Max seemed to think I could change minds. Grace was sure the history I was making somehow mattered. I felt like the entire world had these expectations for me, and I really wasn't equipped to do any of it.
I was just a girl who rode bulls. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Cody."
I reached up to scrub at my face in frustration, but stopped before I destroyed my makeup. Instead, I made sure my hat was on good, and tried to convince myself to stand a little taller. My left arm was starting to hurt now. Landing on it hadn't done me any favors, but I only had a little longer before I could make it stop.
"Cody!" This time I heard Ty calling my name.
"Hey!" I said as I turned to face him.
"You ok?"
I groaned, but finally moved into the line, taking the place right before him. "Yeah." Then I paused. "No. Not really."
"Need a shoulder?" he offered.
"They're going to say something." I licked my lips and checked to see who was around me. "You know?"
"Yeah, they told me when I went over the wall."
"But Ty..." All I could do was shake my head, unable to figure out how to talk about this without exposing them early.
"They're still my friends," he assured me, moving closer so he could lower his voice. That put our hats almost right together. "I'm still going to help. They'll be fine, Cody, and I have a feeling I'm not the only one on our side."
"Our?" I asked. "Is that why you hit the buzzer for me?"
"Nope." He chuckled once. "I did that because you were getting fucked. You looked around like you wanted to challenge the no-score, so I hit the challenge button for you. No different than I'd do for any other rider."
"Oh."
"And because you deserved a score," he added.
"Yeah," I said softly, just as the steward reached us.
"Cody Jennings?" he asked. "Yep, and Ty McBride. Ok, looks like we're all here and ready to go."
"Shit scores," Ty said, turning me around so I faced the front of the line and then leaning in to keep going, "nasty bulls, and unfair judging, but you still came in second place, Cody."
"This time," I grumbled.
"Mhm," he agreed as we shuffled forward and the announcer in the arena started calling out names, proving the ceremony was starting. "But that's the way it goes for a real bull rider, you know? Sometimes you get fucked. Sometimes you have a shit weekend. Sometimes..." He chuckled softly. "Yeah, sometimes you win even when you shouldn't."
"I kinda wouldn't mind that so much," I pointed out.
"Oh, I think you'd fucking hate it," he assured me. "I promise it's not as rewarding as you'd hope."
I glanced back to see him watching me, and our eyes met. Those pretty brown ones of his always reminded me of something warm and nice to curl up with.
"Ty..."
"I'm sorry J.D. got hurt," he broke in. "Cody, I know that had to mess with your head this weekend. I also hate how the bullfighters are getting fucked over. You still rode good. How about we just leave it at that?"
