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He’d see her around town and when everyone else was talking about him being a loser for failing out of university, all he could think about was her. He wanted Lil but still hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her how he felt about her. So, he followed her around like a love-sick puppy—their roles ironically reversed, until one day, when he literally bumped into her on the road.
She had dropped the books she was carrying home from the library. They were all about chemotherapy and dealing with cancer and he worried that she was sick. She told him about how her mother had found out that she had cancer and as the only kid still living at home, it was her turn to take care of her mother. Lil said that she didn’t mind, really, but he could see the pain in her eyes. She was going to have to watch her mother waste away and all Cian wanted to do was be there for her. He had to do the same with his father and the thought of watching Lil suffer through this broke his heart. Cian promised her that he’d stop around to check on her and her Ma and the very next day, he showed up with a pot of his mum’s chicken noodle soup. It was in the recipe box she’d left him and one of his favorites.
Cian had moved into his parent’s old house and the place felt so cold and empty without either of them still there. They had both passed—first his father and then, his mother, leaving him to fend for himself. Sure, he was an adult, but that was what it felt like to him; them leaving him alone to face the world.
Making a big pot of his mother’s chicken noodle soup made the home feel as though it had come to life for the first time in a damn long time. It was the soup that she’d make for him or his father when they were under the weather, and it felt right to be making it for Lil and her mum.
He delivered it to her home and when Lil asked him to join them for supper, he couldn’t help but agree. Sitting with her and having supper with her and her Ma felt right, so the next night, he showed up with another one of his mum’s favorite meals. Again, she asked him to join them, and this continued for months—until her mother sadly passed from her illness. By that point, he was working for the Dead Rabbits and the idea of telling Lil that he was in over his head with them didn’t sit well with him, so he ghosted her. He stopped going around, knowing that she’d need him the most now. He left her without a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to her sorrow and that made him feel like a first-class asshole but involving her in his mess wasn’t something that he was willing to do.
Now, he’d been given the chance to make everything right with her and that was exactly what he wanted—a chance. He’d just need to convince Lil to give him one, even when he didn’t deserve it from her. He just needed a chance to make things right with her.
By the time they got up to the little cabin that they’d be calling home for the near future, he was beat. Lil looked just as wiped out as he felt and poor Ryder looked about ready to drop.
“Will you fly all the way back to Alabama tonight?” Lil asked.
“Yep,” Ryder said. “I’ll probably grab a few hours of shut-eye and then head back home. My wife is expecting, and I don’t like to stay away too long.”
“Aww—that’s wonderful,” Lil said.
“Do you have any kids?” Ryder asked her.
“No,” she breathed. “No husband and no kids,” she said, looking straight at Cian.
“Don’t look at me,” he said. “I don’t have any kids, or a husband, for that matter,” he teased. She giggled and shook her head at him. They got everything unloaded into the cabin and said goodbye to Ryder, leaving him and Lil all alone.
It was suddenly very quiet in the small cabin, and he wasn’t sure what to do or say next. Cian wasn’t usually at a loss for words, but around Lil, he felt quite tongue-tied. “What should we do now?” she asked, seeming just as nervous as he felt.
“Um, unpack,” he said. He sounded more like he was asking than telling her.
“All right,” she agreed. “Which room do you want?” Savage had pulled Cian aside to warn him that there was only one bedroom in the cabin. He asked the guy not to tell Lil, worried that if she knew about it ahead of time, she wouldn’t agree to even get on the plane.
He winced and she dropped her bag to the hardwood floor. “Tell me that there is more than one bedroom, Cian,” she ordered.
“I wish I could, but this place has only one, Lil,” he said.
“You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” she accused.
“Yes,” he said, “but in my defense, I did it for your own good. I knew that if you found out that there was only one bedroom here, you’d put up a fight or not come at all. I needed you to get on that plane so that I’d be able to keep you safe, Lil,” he said. It was all he wanted to do now.
“I can keep myself safe,” she spat. She could too. That was the thing about Lil—she was the most capable woman that he’d ever met.
“I know that, but I’d like a shot at it too. You’re in this trouble because of me, Lil. I just want a chance to redeem myself,” he admitted.
“By tricking me into bed with you?” she asked. “That’s not exactly a redeemable quality, Cian,” she said.
“No,” he said, “it’s not like that at all. I’d never force you to do anything that you don’t want to, Lil. I’ll even sleep on the sofa to prove it.” She looked him over and shook her head.
“Thanks for the offer, but I saw the sofa and you’ll never fit on it. You’ll hang over and it will kill your back. We’ll figure something out. We’ll both need sleep to stay on top of our game,” she said.
He wasn’t sure if he should even ask this next part. “So, same room then?” he asked.
She nodded her head. “For now,” she agreed. “We will see how things go. I’m sure that we can build a pillow fort down the middle of the bed to make sure that you stay on your side.” He bit his tongue to keep from telling her that no number of pillows on the bed would keep him from finding her. He had a feeling that he’d be drawn to her no matter the circumstances and Cian would find a way to get to her.
Lilianna
They spent the rest of the afternoon working in silence. It was killing her that Cian was giving her the silent treatment. He was usually so bubbly and talkative, she’d come to expect him to be gabbing about, but his silence was deafening.
“I’d love to know what you’re thinking, Lil,” he almost whispered. They had finished unpacking and were working on making something for dinner. She agreed to make the chicken and he was in charge of the veggies. That was the only conversation that they had in over two hours, and it involved poultry and vegetables.
