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“I’m thinking a lot of different things right now, Cian,” she admitted. “Mostly about how we ended up here. I guess I’m wondering why you did it—why’d you join the Dead Rabbits?”
“I just wanted to belong to something, you know?” he asked. “I’d been alone for so long now—no parents, no siblings, and well, I needed something to belong to. I thought that the Dead Rabbits would be that for me, but I was an idiot. I had no idea that I was running drugs, Lil. You have to believe me.” She looked him over and saw the young boy she used to followaround when she was just a girl. Lil could see the sincerity in his eyes, and she knew that Cian would never lie to her.
“I believe you,” she whispered. She reached up to cup his jaw with her hands. “It just hurt when you stopped coming around after my Ma died. I needed you and you just disappeared from my life,” she breathed.
“I was already mixed up with the Rabbits then. I figured out what I was doing with them, and I didn’t want my troubles to darken your doorstep. I felt awful not being there for you, Lil. I’m so sorry about your mum, but I didn’t feel that I was worthy to be around you. I wasn’t any good for you, Lil.”
“You’re a good man, Cian. You just got involved with the wrong crowd. We can make a fresh start here in America. You got out and that’s all that matters,” Lil said.
He grabbed her hands into his own and pulled them from his face. “No,” he said. “You deserve better than me, Lilliana. You deserve a man who can give you the world, and I have nothing to offer you. I almost got you killed—how can you be so kind to me?” he asked.
“Because I’ve loved you since I was just a little girl, Cian,” she admitted. “And I know you care for me too, otherwise the Dead Rabbits would have never shown up on my doorstep, would they?” She knew that she was issuing him a challenge and there was nothing Cian liked more than a good challenge. If he told her that she was wrong and that he didn’t care for her, it would be the first time that he’d ever lied to her.
“I know that you care for me, Cian,” she repeated.
“I do,” he breathed. “God help me, I do, Lil. I’ve fallen in love with you too.”
She smiled up at him and nodded, satisfied with his answer. “I know,” she whispered. “I guess that following you around like a love-sick puppy all those years paid off,” she teased.
He barked out his laugh. “You were the most annoying, stubborn girl that I had ever met, Lil,” he accused. He was right. Cian was two years older than her and the very last thing that he probably wanted was a young girl following him around like he had hung the stars.
“I have to admit though, I’m damn glad that you follow me around still. I mean, you did come all the way to America to track me down,” he said.
“Not completely,” she said. “I tried to track you down, sure, but I also wanted to find a way out of Ireland. I was afraid that your old friend, Sid, would make good on his promise to kill me off if I had stuck around.”
“I, for one, am glad you didn’t stick around to wait for Sid to make good on his threats. He would have, you know?” She nodded. Lil was sure that Sid would have killed her and then she never would have been able to hear Cian admit that he was in love with her.
“I’m just sorry that you had to give up your life in Ireland because of me, Lil,” he said.
“I’m not. It was worth traveling to the states to hear you tell me that you’re in love with me, Cian,” she teased.
“I’m glad that I could make it worth your while then,” he said. Lil turned off the flame under the frying pan and moved the chicken to another burner. She crossed the small kitchen and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“So, what do we do next, Cian?” she asked. He pulled her against his body and all she could think about was the fact that it felt right to be there.
“I’ve wanted you for so long, Lil. Ever since I flunked out of university to be closer to you,” he admitted.
“Wait,” she said. “You flunked out of university to be near me?” she questioned. “Why would you do that?”
“Do you remember that Christmas that I came home for the first time in over two years?” he asked.
“I do,” she said. “I tried to ignore you the entire evening because I was so mad that you had stayed away for so long. I felt as though you abandoned me, Cian.” He dipped his head to gently kiss her lips and she smiled up at him. “That’s the first time you kissed me,” she whispered.
“Is not,” he said. He was standing so close to her; she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. “I kissed you when you were six and I was eight—in the hallway outside of your bedroom,” he reminded. She thought back to that day, her hazy memories playing through. She had dared him to kiss her, knowing that her brother’s best friend would never back down from a dare, especially from a girl.
“I remember that,” she said. “I dared you to kiss me and you were determined not to look like a chicken in front of my brother, so you did.”
“I wanted to kiss you, Lil. I thought it was cute the way you followed me around,” he admitted.
“Liar,” she accused. “You said I was annoying.”
He shrugged, “In time, you grew to be very annoying. I guess it became less cute to have your best friend’s kid sister following you around while you were in Secondary School. But when I came home that holiday, I couldn’t take my eyes off you, Lil. You grew from a nerdy, pestering child into a beautiful woman. I was worried that if I stayed at university after you graduated from school, I’d end up losing you to some wanker who didn’t deserve you. I knew then that I was in love with you, but I was a coward and didn’t tell you. Maybe things would have been different if I had,” he said. “Maybe I would have felt less alone, and I wouldn’t have gone and joined the Dead Rabbits.”
“We can’t live on maybes and what-ifs, Cian,” she said. “But we can make the promise to always be honest with each other from here on out,” she said. “Deal?”
“Deal,” he agreed. Cian pushed her back against the kitchen countertop and she gasped when she felt his impressive erection through his jeans, pressing against her belly. “Tell me if you don’t want this, Lil, and we’ll stop now.”
“I want this, Cian,” she whispered. “I want you.” That was all he seemed to need to hear from her. He lifted her against his body, helping her to sit on the kitchen counter.
