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He lifts me off his lap and sets me down on the couch. Vaguely I’m aware of him, Kai, and Ragnar leaving the room, but still I don’t look away from Smoke. My dad.
He takes a deep breath and scrubs a hand over his face.
“Mae... I... Fuck. I’m not good at this sort of thing, but I’m fucking sorry about everything I said and did. I can’t even begin to say how fucking sorry I am.”
Licking my dry lips, I debate not wanting to ask, but I also need to know. “Why did you say and do those things?”
He hangs his head as he sighs loudly. “I got a letter slipped under my door during Levi’s baby shower and I seriously thought it was you at first because of the message.”
“What was the message?”
Smoke sighs and before he can even say anything, Liam’s at my side, handing me his phone.
My blood boils at the message. Guessing there’s more to this than just a picture of the note, I flip to the next picture.
Bile rises in my throat as I flip through all the pictures. Going off memory, I think these were taken a few years after the other set I’d seen in Church. I inhale sharply when I get to the image of Mom’s finger. God, I hope she’s all right.
“I know now that you aren’t the one in the picture, and I’m sorry. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am, Mae, and I’ll grovel for as long as I need to. Just... Please don’t cut me out of your life. Not when you just came back into mine. I know I royally fucked up, I get that, but even if you can never forgive me, please don’t cut me out. I can’t lose you again. I wouldn’t survive losing you again.”
I can hear in his voice how torn up he is about everything and that he truly is sorry. Tears prick my eyes and suddenly, all my emotions come crashing down on me at once.
Burying my head in my hands, fat tears roll down my cheeks, my mind whirling with all the changes over these past few days.
About my anxiety over how my dad has treated me and two days later, is now apologizing. Really apologizing and not placating me.
About finding Liam when I figured no one would ever want me.
About the overwhelming feelings of being accepted by not only one club but two clubs and finding out two men have claimed me as their sister.
However, those things pale in comparison to the two things that are really overwhelming me.
One being my anxiety over what Preston, Phillip, X, and Bruce, or Michael, whatever his name is, have planned for me.
The other is that my mom is hurting somewhere. My anxiety about what they’ll do to her next.
And it’s all because of me.
After seeing Odin and Punisher out, I stay out of sight, but close enough that I was able to hear what was going on in case Mae needed me. That’s how I knew to step in with my phone to let Mae see what Smoke was talking about.
But hearing her gut-wrenching cries strikes me down to my core and I know everything that’s happened over the past few days has finally come to a head.
The sound Smoke makes over the laptop at hearing her cry has my chest tightening even further. He knows he’s fucked up, but at least he’s trying to make amends. Walking over to the laptop, I tilt it away from her so he can only see me.
“How about we talk later? I think everything just came to a head and she needs to process it all.”
He clears his throat. “Okay. I’m here if either of you needs me and I’d like to talk to her sometime, whether it’s on the phone or text.”
“I’ll let her know,” I reply before disconnecting. Closing the laptop, I pick her up, wrap both arms around Sunshine and hold her as she cries.
After a few minutes, her breathing evens out and I know she’s fallen asleep, but I keep holding her for a while longer. One, I love having her in my arms, and two, I don’t want to move her right away in case she wakes up again. I have a feeling the last two nights were the only nights since she was eight that she’s been able to sleep peacefully.
After twenty minutes, I get up and carry her up to our room. Pulling back the blankets, I lay her down.
Her shirt looks comfortable enough, but I’m not letting her sleep in blue jeans. Unlacing her boots, I carefully slip them off. Then I slowly slide off her blue jeans, which takes more work than I realized with them being what I’ve heard the ladies back at my club call ‘skinny jeans’. Even though I jostle her a couple of times, Mae sleeps right through it.
Stripping out of my clothes, I get ready for bed and slip under the covers. Pulling Mae close to me, a little sigh escapes her as she snuggles up next to me. I don’t know what I did to get lucky enough to have found Mae, but there’s no way in hell I’m gonna question it. Grinning, I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes.
The sound of running water wakes me, and I pat around, but find the sheets cold where Mae should be. Looking over at the clock, I groan when the numbers 5 am glare back at me.
