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We help her choose the flowers she loves and then we head over to the cake shop. To match the color of the flowers she chooses a lemon and vanilla cake, which is absolutely divine. I find myself laughing with my family, making jokes, and feeling relaxed. This is the kind of distraction I needed. Thank goodness for these amazing people that I have in my life. I don't know where I would be without them.
After a light lunch, seeing as none of us could eat that much after so many different cake tastings, I reluctantly said goodbye to everyone and headed back home.
Walking back into my home I am immediately hit with the same sadness I felt when I left. Even after such a beautiful day, it was only a temporary distraction. I sigh, toss my handbag onto the kitchen counter, and pour a glass of wine. It is late afternoon and I have nothing planned for tonight. Perhaps I will just go for a drive to watch the sunset somewhere, or perhaps I will flop down onto the couch and binge-watch a pointless series all evening.
Nothing seems that exciting or interesting.
A light knock at the door calls my attention.
I put my wine glass down on the coffee table and head towards the front door.
When I open it, I am a little disappointed to see Isabella without Alex. But also relieved. I am not sure how I would manage facing him right now. I don't know if I would be angry or overwhelmed.
"Bella?" I say, confused.
"Gabi." She rushes through the door and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. "Thank you so much for my present. I loved it. But why did you leave the party? You didn't even get any cake and the cake was the best part. It had rainbow layers in and glitter that you could actually eat." She grins at me, blissfully unaware of the pain in my heart.
"Come in, sweetheart. I am sorry I missed the cake. I was not feeling well so I came home to lie down for a bit. Did you enjoy the rest of your party?"
"Oh, it was so amazing. It was the best party I have ever had so far. All of my friends had so much fun, and we played games, and, in the evening, we had a projector outside and we watched a movie, and I got such cool presents from everyone which were so much fun to open and then cake and then I can't even remember but it was all so much fun."
"It sounds really amazing." I laugh at her enthusiasm.
"Do you want some fruit juice?" I ask.
She slides onto my kitchen chair, making herself at home. "Yes, please."
"Have you eaten?"
"Not yet, Dad has been busy, so he didn't make anything yet."
"Can I make you a grilled cheese or something?"
"Oh, yes please."
I start taking out the bread and cheese and Bella is chatting away.
While I am cutting her grilled cheese in half, she goes very quiet. I look up at her. "What's wrong?" I say. She is twiddling her fingers in her lap and looking down at her hands.
"Bella?" I ask again, worried that perhaps the bullying has started again and ready to go to war for her.
"Gabi, I just wanted to ask why you don't come to visit us anymore?" She looks up at me with wide eyes. Her question catches me off guard.
"Oh. Um. I have just been a bit busy the last few days, Bella."
"It's just that I have been missing you quite a bit."
She looks uncomfortable, still staring at me wide-eyed.
"Just busy? Nothing else is wrong?" She asks innocently.
I look away. I don't want her to see the hurt in my eyes. What I am going through is not for her to worry about, but I also don't want to lie to her.
"Bella, you are welcome to visit me any time you know. We can watch a movie or have dinner or anything you like."
She nods, knowing I am hiding something. Kids can be so perceptive.
"I like it when you and Dad spend time together too though."
