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"Oh, she is going on vacation for a few weeks somewhere. I can't remember the name of the place she said. Somewhere, um, maybe with the people she grew up with, but I don't know for sure."
Bella chats away about how Gabi told her she was going away earlier this week. "Why didn't you tell me she was going away?" I ask, surprised to only be finding out now. "I thought you knew obviously. Didn't she tell you?" she shrugs but looks uncertain about why I would not already know.
I don't respond to her question. I don't really want to have to explain why Gabi and I are not talking to each other. Bella already knows something is going on and she can feel the awkwardness between us, but I don't want to worry her with more than that.
So, Gabi has left for a few weeks, to somewhere I do not know, with people I do now know about. First, she didn't go to work for a week and now she is gone on vacation somewhere. Alone, possibly? Or with someone. I just don't know. Anything and it is driving me crazy. Is she doing all of this to avoid me?
I try and search my brain for anything she might have told me that would make sense.
Did she mention something about any of this when I last saw her? Why can't I remember? I was so overwhelmed with seeing her again that I knew I was not paying attention and then once we kissed there was no more conversation to be had.
Shit. I feel panic rising. I have no idea where she is going.
Bella is chatting to me about her day at school and I do my best to listen, but my thoughts are scattered.
I think I need to get out and have a drink. Relax my mind and perhaps let go of something that was never meant to be between Gabi and myself.
My heart feels heavy and empty at the same time.
I text my friend, Gavin, and ask him if he wants to join me for a beer. He says he can meet me at the bar in a little bit.
I make arrangements and then drop Bella at one of her friends in the estate. "I won't be home too late, Bells. Just message me or call me if you need anything ok?" I tell her as she is getting her bag of things together in the back seat of the car.
"OK, Dad, but I don't think I will need anything." She smiles, hopping out of the car and eager to get to her friends.
Again, I think about how well she is doing since starting the self-defense bully-proof classes. Her entire life has changed for the better. She is almost a different little girl. Back to who she used to be. She ismylittle girl again. Her heart is full of life and love instead of constant worry.
I smile. I have Gabi to thank for that.
My heart sinks at the thought of her again. What have I done that is so bad? Why would she not even speak to me?
I am filled with a deep feeling of loss and rejection when I drive away from the estate towards town. I am sad about having fallen for someone who does not seem interested in me, lost in thought about how to resolve this issue. Or if there is a resolution at all? Perhaps I just need to accept the worst and let her go.
I head towards the bar where I meet up with Matthew and Gavin.
Of course, the first thing they ask me about is Gabi. After meeting her at the birthday party they are even more eager for me to get together with her properly and have been encouraging me to grow a pair and make it an official relationship. It is what I want, yet it is what I seem I cannot have.
They have no idea how intensely this has been affecting me when they start ragging me about it.
"So, what is going on then? Have you messed up already? Are you that far out of practice that you can no longer speak to women?" Matthew laughs.
I tilt my head to the side, wanting to talk crap back but I'm at a loss for words. Gavin catches a glimpse of my expression. "Hey, Matt, I think this one might be serious." He says, nodding towards my face.
Matthew stares at me. "Alex, bro, what is going on? You look like you're lost in the jungle, and someone stole your map and your last candy bar."
I shrug my shoulders and take a deep breath. "I don't know guys. This girl was really special. Is. Sheisreally special. But I seem to be fucking it up left, right and center."
"So?Un-fuck it up?" Gavin says, watching me closely.
"But I don't know what I did to mess up it in the first place?" I say, disheartened.
"What is going on man? Why don't you try and explain it to us?"
I do my best to try and explain it, leaving out the hot session details even though they push for it with laughter. I shake my head smiling. Eventually, I told them at least most of what had happened, and Matthew shook his head.
"She wants you to go after her."
Gavin looks confused. "If she wanted him to chase her, why didn't she answer any of his messages?"
