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"It is not that simple Mom," I complain, picturing how intense that conversation would be.
My mother starts laughing. "Gabi, of course, it is that simple, sweetheart. I have a feeling you are lost in your head about this and overthinking everything. I imagine that a man asking you, more than once, to take the time to talk to him does actually want more from you than you assume he does. Otherwise, why would he be chasing you for a conversation?"
I shake my head. "I want that to be the case Ireallydo, but I just don't think it is. Not this time. I think he wants to explain to me how he can't be in a relationship now because of his daughter or work or whatever excuse he has - any of those would be a good enough excuse wouldn't it. I think he just does not like me that way but does not want to tell me that bluntly."
My mom laughs again. "Listen to yourself. You are assuming everything. You donotknow anything until you know it ok. You have always been good at pushing aside these important conversations and just pretending like they don't need to be had, but I promise you, sweetheart, this is a conversation you need to have. For yourself. For your own heart. If I am wrong, then I am wrong, but I do not think I am. I saw how he looked at you, even through his grumpy facade."
She eyes me over the edge of her cocktail glass, and I smile.
She is right. I need to talk to him, but I doubt I am going to be rushing into that drama.
The more we sit and talk the more I have to accept that my mom's words could not be more true. The only way we can come to understand whatever is going on between us would be to actually have a conversation. The idea of having that conversation terrifies me though. I do not think I am ready to accept what I think I know the truth is. I am not ready to feel that rejection and hurt and perhaps for just a little bit longer I can live in a world where that is not reality yet. Just a little while longer.
I am heading out to the wedding soon and then I won't be right across the road from him. I can get that little bit of space I need to clear my mind. Perhaps when I get back from the wedding, I will have gathered enough courage to face the inevitable?
I decide to change the subject for the rest of the afternoon with my mom. We do have a very exciting family event coming up. My brother is getting married, and the focus needs to be on that. I want to be fully present in the moment to enjoy this special time with all of them. I just need to redirect my thoughts and shut down that other part of my mind that keeps wandering back to Alex.
It is family time now.
CHAPTER 16
ALEX
Arriving back home that afternoon I pull up into my driveway and set the parking brakes on my car. Glancing in my rearview mirror I stare at Gabi's car across the street. She is home now.
I just came from the gym and found her absent again. I keep going there hoping to see her, but she has not been in all week, and too many times when I have wanted to go over to her house to talk to her, her car has not been in the driveway.
I do not understand how we are managing to so effectively miss each other day in and day out. Or perhaps it is on purpose, and she is actively avoiding me. That would make more sense actually considering that she does not answer my calls or texts either. I can see she has read them, but she has not replied to even one since Bella's birthday party.
I stare at her car. She is home now. Perhaps I should just go and knock on her door and force her to talk to me. I can't take this for much longer. I am going mentally crazy. I need to know what she is thinking, and why she is pushing me away and avoiding me like this. I need to know what is bothering her or if she is eveninterestedin me.
I grab my gym bag off the back seat, climb out of my car, and head inside to hop in the shower quickly.
Scrubbing away the gym sweat and frustration and trying to ease my thoughts in preparation for a proper conversation with her. I go over the scenario in my head. She will open her front door. This time I will not let her push me aside. I want totalkto her. I think it is fair that we have a proper conversation.
I willnotkiss her. I willnotpull her against me. I can't let myself be distracted by how beautiful she is.
I willjusttalk.
I scrub shampoo out of my hair.
I want to kiss her, but I know if I do that, we won't have the conversation we so badly need to have.
I rinse all the soap off my body, climb out of the shower, and dry off, pulling on a pair of jeans and a snug-fitting black shirt. I brush my wet hair back with my fingers.
While I am getting ready, I look out of the window and catch a glimpse of her packing suitcases into her car in her driveway. Mid panic rushes through me. What is that about? Is she leaving? Is she going away? Who is she going with?
I quickly put my shoes on and rush downstairs. I need to talk to her before she leaves. I can't have her going away without trying to resolve this.
I slam open the front door and run out into the garden, standing in my driveway, but she is already gone.
I stand in desperation just staring at her empty driveway feeling hollow and sick inside. Where has she gone? She had two big cases. How long is she gone for? Is she moving out? She can't be. I know she loves this house and she only just moved here. Is she leaving to get away from me? What if the reason she has been so off towards me is because she has met someone else? But then surely, she would not have kissed me like that the other night or dragged me into her house. It can't be that. There must be something else going on.
I walk back inside the house feeling horrible.
In the kitchen, Bella sees my face. "What is wrong with you, Dad?" she asks as bluntly as children do. I fuss around in the cutlery drawer, trying to avoid eye contact with her, but also so confused about what just happened that I am not paying attention to my own words.
"I just saw Gabi leaving with lots of suitcases," I say absentmindedly, still lost in thought.
