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I open my eyes and blink against the bright morning sun spilling into my bedroom. My old pink lace curtains not blocking out anything, the room is already bright with daylight.
A week since I left home.
Alex has only messaged me once since I got here, asking me to tell him where I went. I ignored it the same way I have ignored all of his other messages. I remind myself that when I get back, I will face that drama and until then I just need to treat my heart carefully and enjoy my time with my family.
My uncle's words churn in my thoughts though.
Am I the brave one?
Do I have it in me to be the brave one?
I climb out of bed, ready for a breakfast that is noisy and filled with too much food. Expect at the thought of food my stomach churns in the wrong direction.
I hold my breath thinking about the prawn salsa I ate the night before. The thought of it has me feeling nauseous. I had a feeling that the old aunties' cooking was not that safe. She has always been a little bit crazy, adding the weirdest things to her pot. I think she even mentioned that she added cactus leaves last night. That is not too unusual but perhaps my stomach is no longer used to all of these exotic flavors anymore.
I stand up, taking a deep breath, but another wave of nausea hits me and has me running towards the bathroom.
I hang my head over the toilet struggling to breathe between the waves of nausea. Finally, I feel my stomach settle down to a dull ache and I think to myself that I might need to go to the drugstore and get some medicine. Mom will insist I drink charcoal tablets, which might work just as well. Maybe I should go and ask her for some even though I am feeling a bit better.
I stand at the sink, splash my face with cold water, and look at myself in the mirror. Sudden horror rushes through me when I realize what is going on. I count down the weeks of this month. Then I count them again just to be sure.
I am two weeks late.
Hurriedly I get dressed and rush out of the house. My mom calls after me, "Gabs, breakfast is almost done. Where are you going?"
"I will be right back, Mom," I yell towards the kitchen, grabbing my brother's old bike from the garage and riding down to the local pharmacy just around the corner from our house.
I purchase only one thing, with the old man behind the counter raises his eyebrows knowingly at me. He has watched me grow up and I think he will always see me as that little girl who used to come into his store to buy candy. I blush when he puts the pregnancy test into a brown paper bag and hands it to me without a word.
I ride back home in a hurry and rush into the bathroom.
It feels like forever of me staring at the blank space where the lines are supposed to appear ornotappear.
Pleasedo notappear. I think to myself. Then place the little pregnancy test stick face down on the counter. I should not watch it otherwise it will take longer. But as soon as I put it down, I pick it up again and continue to stare.
CHAPTER 18
ALEX
Bella and I sit in the living room on the sofa watching cartoons. The last few days have been hell. I have been lost in thought, detached from reality, unable to focus on anything and anyone.
I can't stop thinking about Gabi and why I did not make more of an effort to try and talk to her sooner before she left.
I am not paying attention to the television, and I have been moving my lunch from one side of the plate to the other without actually eating any of it. I think it is cold now and besides, I have not really been hungry lately. I just feel empty and down.
"Dad, come on, it's been ages now. I thought you were just having a bad day or something but now it is almost a week of you sulking like this. What is going on?" Bella moans at me. I lift my head to look at her. I had hoped that she might not notice my mood, but I guess it would be nearly impossible to hide how I was feeling from someone living with me.
"I'm okay, Bella. Just feeling a bit down." I try and change the subject. "Did you enjoy your dinner?"
She puts her empty plate on the table and stands with her hand on her hip, glaring at me.
"I saw you kissing Gabi you know." She says, her head tilting to the side while she gives me the look. How is it that she can target the exact topic that I want to avoid talking to her about?
I don't quite know what to say to her comment. I thought I had been so careful in protecting her from seeing anything or knowing anything.
"Do you miss her?" she interrogates me further, pushing for information.
I sigh. "It does not matter if I miss her or not, Bella. It is too late. I have to let Gabi go."
