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Music plays from the houses and spills out into the streets where a barbecue is burning, and kebabs are roasting on the open flames.
We have been playing games all day, catching up with everyone, and enjoying the freedom of being away from our normal lives. I sigh when I fall into an old fold-out chair near the fire. I guess for some people this is life, for the longest time it was my life. It is funny to think how hard I worked to get away from this, thinking I needed to do better than this.
Here no one cares about money, what car you drive, whether or not you have name-brand clothing, or if your house is filled with expensive things. As long as there is laughter and love, everyone is happy.
This is what I needed.
During the day everything is perfect.
There is so much love and community here.
My father's brother sits next to me.
"So, young one. What have you been up to? I hear your gym is going very well?" He says, cracking the top of his beer off with his keyring.
"It is," I say, feeling proud. "Your parents talk about it all the time, you know. They brag about it a lot. I don't blame them. You have done very well." I smile at him.
"Well, I have done well in some aspects and I fail in others," I confess.
"Where have you failed?" he eyes me in the way that old people do when they are about to lecture you about life.
"In love," I say, talking about it for the first time since I have arrived here.
He nods his head knowingly. "Ah. Love. Yes, I see."
I keep quiet, knowing he will have a story for me. The old folks around her always have stories. Great stories with great messages. I need one of those now.
"When I was younger, I was in love." He says, staring across the street to where his wife is handing out churros to the kids. "It did not start out well. Actually, I totally messed it up in the beginning because I was an idiot and did not know how to deal with my emotions. Men are like that you know?" he stares at me questioningly.
I don't say anything, but I nod slightly encouraging him to tell me more. "There is a problem with men. Firstly, they think women can read their minds. And they think women want certain things. Theyassume. I thought, when I met my wife, that I was not ready for something like marriage. I thought I was not rich enough or wise enough. I thought I was not good enough for her or that I would mess it up. In all my doubt and fear I ended up pushing her away. I am just lucky she is completely nuts and was having none of that. She stalked me for a month, and scared the hell out of me until I realized that she wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her."
I laugh, picturing my crazy aunt chasing my uncle down.
"That was bold of her, to go after what she knew she wanted," I say, thoughtfully.
"Is there any other way to be? When there is something, you want should you not give it your all to follow your heart?" He asks me. "Your aunt was the smart one. I was the idiot. What if she had not done that and I had lost her forever? I would have spent my entire life regretting my stupid choices and regretting not just getting out there and taking the chance. I have loved her since the day I met her and every single day to this day. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if she had not been brave."
He loses himself staring at his wife. I see the love in his eyes and the smile across his lips.
"I want to be that brave," I whisper.
"You are that brave, Gabi. You are. We all are. We just forget it sometimes. Look at everything you have achieved. Was every step of what you have done not bravery? What other young woman has left her hometown and headed out into the big world to achieve the amazing things you have achieved? You are a brave young one. Don't you doubt that for a second."
"Not all love stories end as sweetly as yours though," I say.
"This is true." He replies with another nod of his head and a sip of his beer. "This is true, but mostly it is because both of them were idiots instead of just one." He cracks up laughing and I grin at him. Then he looks seriously at me.
"Gabi, yes, sometimes love does not work out, but make sure it is for the right reasons. If someone does not deserve you or does not treat you right, then it will not work out. But if it is just because one of you or both of you is not brave enough to take the chance on the other person, then you are going to regret it forever. Rather regret the things you do take a chance on than the things you are too scared to take a chance on and don't do."
We sit quietly watching the flames of the fire and listening to the music from the house across the street. His words sink in deeper and deeper and as much as I try and push them away, I am scared that I will regret walking away from Alex, for the rest of my life.
I watch the people around me and feel happy. The days are like this, and the early evenings are filled with joy and color.
But then at night when everyone makes their way home after the wild and noisy dinners, they go back to their private spaces with their partner, and I make my way into my old bedroom at my parents' house. That is when I am suddenly deeply alone with my thoughts.
The days are busy and bright, and the nights are dark and lonely as I lay in bed and thoughts of Alex fill my mind. I long for the light of morning so that I can be surrounded by everyone again and too busy to think about these things that I am trying so hard to avoid and forget.
I have been away for a week today.
