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“Okay, Mrs. Edwards, why don’t you tell me what brought you and your husband here today?” She gives an encouraging smile as she lifts her pen to her pad to take notes. I don’t knowwhere to begin, but she started the timer, so I just say the first things that come to mind.
“I thought my husband was having an affair.” I all but rush out; she just nods for me to continue as she takes notes.
“It’s not like I had any real reason to believe he was; there were no odd work hours, no strange calls or texts, or any of the classic signs. But he started to distance himself, first physically then emotionally, and sex has become nonexistent.” I sigh.
“I know there’s no reason to suspect that, but I’ve been with my husband for 20 years; I know his tells. He used just to randomly come up behind me and kiss me.” A small smile appears as I reach up and touch the side of my neck. “Like last night, when everything happened, I was mad about something while I cooked dinner, and he got turned on, but he didn’t act on it, and I thought he was thinking of someone else or he would have done something. But really, I guess it’s my insecurities.” I look down at my hands and swallow the emotion that threatens to choke me.
“After I had our kids, I started to not feel as attractive. And I guess somewhere along the way, I stopped trying. But he never did, and then one day he did. I felt like I wasn’t enough anymore.” My eyes sting with the emotions threatening to overtake me. But I swallow it down and continue.
“We started to fight more, and I thought maybe it was because he was frustrated, so I tried a couple of times, but he wasn’t interested.” I shrug. “Maybe that’s when I started to have suspicions. But the fights were always over stupid things. You know, things I had asked him to do, but he didn’t, and then I had to remind him time and time again. I felt like I was nagging him. I hate that feeling, but it’s like I had this huge weight on my shoulders and that nagging in my mind that all the little things started to bother me more and more.” Tears are streaming down my face.
“Then our youngest left for college last fall, and it felt like we didn’t know what to do. Things got worse, and looking back, I can see it was silly to think he didn’t want me. But the compliments came less and less. And I don’t like what I see in the mirror, so why would he? I have stretch marks and cellulite; my boobs are small; and my ass is too big. I guess I just don’t feel as attractive as I did before we had kids. And I know that’s not his fault. He just kind of stopped reminding me, so I started to be super hard on myself, I guess.” I sigh. This all sounds so trivial now.
“Then I was more irritable, and I started getting more upset, and my patience got thinner and thinner. Everything buried deep down started to come up, and I was a ticking time bomb. The smallest thing would set me off and cause a huge fight. One time, shortly after Sasha left for college, he forgot something that I had asked for at the store, and I snapped.
I just felt like he didn’t care because he called on his way the the store, and asked if I needed or wanted anything anything. I felt like I didn’t matter, but he told me he asked while he was looking for something and just forgot he asked because they moved things around the store. Looking back, I know it was dumb, but it was all the little things that came out. I was so mad, and he didn’t understand why. And honestly, I couldn’t explain it either.” I reach over and grab a tissue to wipe my eyes.
“I love my husband more than anything; I want us to last and to work. But,” I hesitate, I don’t really want to admit it out loud, “I don’t know if I completely believe there was never another woman, and right now, I don’t know how to move forward and rebuild what we had. And that scares me. Losing him scares me; not being enough for him, for my family scares me.” My thoughts stop at the soft sound of her watch going off.
“That was very good, Anna, very insightful for me.” She says, “I believe I can help, but I can’t be certain until I speak to Mr.Edwards.” I stand and follow her to the door. She opens it, calls for Grey to come in, and tells me the restroom is just down the hall to the left if I would like to freshen up.
I nod in thanks and head that way. Once inside, I see there’s a small sitting chair angled in the corner, a table with a little hand-held mirror, a small dish of chocolates, and a box of tissues.
As I sit there, I reflect on everything that I said. I was shocked that once I started talking, things just started to flow. Those five minutes went so fast. I am thankful I can take a few minutes to compose myself.
Once I am all set, my tears are all dry, my makeup is fixed, and I feel ready, I go out and wait in the waiting room. I wonder what she would recommend to help us, but mostly the issues Grey has with our relationship.
Greyson
When I see Anna step out, I can’t help but notice that she has tears in her eyes, and I want more than anything to take her into my arms and reassure her once more. But before I can, Dr. Parker calls me into the office. And instructs me to take a seat.
“Now, Mr. Edwards, please tell me why you think you are here today.” She says as she starts the timer on her watch. It takes only a minute for me to start speaking.
“My marriage isn’t what it used to be, nor what I want it to be.” I clear my throat and continue. “Things have been rough lately. And for me, I feel like things have been straining for the last five years, maybe longer.” I say, rubbing my palms nervously on my pants.
“It started more after my wife started working full-time after the kids were off and in school full-time, but even then she wasn’t set on what she wanted to do as a career. And that wasn’t the issue. About eight years ago, she found her calling as an event planner. She started as an intern and started putting in extra hours to get her foot in.” I smile slightly, remembering how much I admired her passion. giving it her all while still keeping things balanced at home.
“I was so proud of her; she always made time for the kids, for us, and me. Then, as she started to move up and the kids got older, things shifted. She started to work longer hours, alwaysworking for the next promotion or bonus. and still, I was amazed by her drive.” I sighed then.
“Then she stopped having time for us, and our sex life took a beating. She was always tired, had to be up early, or had a headache. I kept trying for a long time. and then it started to feel like it was a chore for her. Then ultimately it was for me; I got tired of getting shot down. I started to feel like she wasn’t happy with me like I wasn’t enough anymore. Like maybe I wasn’t what she wanted anymore.” I ran my hand down my face.
“Things haven’t always been like this; she used to like to tease me. I remember this one time when we were visiting my parents, right after Henry, our oldest, was born. She put her hand on my leg when we sat at the dinner table, and while my sister was saying grace, my little minx ran her hand up my thigh and started to rub me over my pants.” I chucked. That night, after we got Henry down, we went into the en-suite bathroom and took a shower together. I still remember the way I took her in my arms and pressed her against the shower wall, the way her legs wrapped around my middle. And how we had to bury our faces into each other’s necks to keep the sounds we were making from resonating through the house. I glanced up at the doctor, and she was taking notes. She looked up and smiled encouragingly. I cleared my throat.
“Anyway, things changed. I could walk up behind her, grab her hips, and pull her back to me, and she would wiggle against me. Knowing that would get my attention, then that stopped. She started to get shorter with me, and I started to think that she was seeing someone else. I started to feel like I wasn’t enough; maybe she found someone better.” My eyes start to burn. I try to blink back the tears as I go on.
“Every time I suggested we get away for a while so we could focus on our relationship, she couldn’t; she had more work. We stopped talking, well not really. But if it didn’t have to dowith the kids or our schedules, we had very little to say to one another. And what would we talk about? I feel like we’ve been growing apart.” I sigh.
“And I guess I started to suspect then; she used to be so confident, and until last night I thought she still was. But seeing her during her panic attack last night, I just I, I don’t know. She was a shell of the woman I know and love. And the fact that I stopped reminding her how beautiful I think she is, well, that’s on me.” I find my voice hardening with determination.
“I love my wife more than anything; she’s my best friend. I will do anything she thinks we need to do to save this, to save us. Things have been hard, but I have been complacent. I have stopped trying. But I also felt like she did too, so I guess in my mind it was like, if she stopped, then why should I keep trying? I don’t feel like we are sharing a life anymore, rather coexisting. Living two parallel lives under the same roof, that just so happens to cross paths when the kids are involved.” I feel like a weight has been slightly lifted, I didn’t realize I had felt that way. With that final thought, I heard the soft sound of her watch alarm, signaling that our five minutes were up.
She stands and tells me, “Okay, Mr. Edwards, if you don’t mind heading out into the waiting room, I will take this time to look over my notes, and I will call your wife and you back in.
I stand and head to the door, and as I open it and go to step out, I see Anna coming out of the bathroom with a small smile on her face. I wait for her after I shut the door and reach for her hand, which she takes instantly, and we head for the waiting room. We sit silently. I reflect on all the things that were said. I wonder what unorthodox thing she will suggest we try.
Anna
Stepping out of the bathroom and seeing Grey step out of Dr. Parker’s office, had my nerves skyrocketing. I don’t know what he told her. As I look at him sitting next to me, I can see he is lost in thought. So I take this time to reflect as well.
