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I’m lost in thought not sure how much time has passed until I hear the garage door leading to the house open and close, based on the fact that Tommy is standing in front of me, about twenty or so minutes have passed.
He looks at me, no shame for the tears, not from him. He and Sara almost split a couple of years ago and after only two months things were better than ever. It was like they just met. All I know is Sara took him to a therapist. I never quite got the details, every time I tried things kept coming up, then my issues started.
“Look man, all the way here Sara kept saying you’re an idiot. And I guess I’m to blame, I never should have planted that seed of doubt. You know when I said maybe she had a boyfriend, I was only kidding.” I nod at him, looking past him, half expecting Sara to appear and lay into me, “She went up to get Anna. We think we have a way to help you two, but only if you’re both willing to try.” My head snaps to him.
“I made a vow to her, for better or worse. And I doubt it can get much worse than this. I will try anything to keep her. You know this.” He smiles. I guess I am willing to try even if she is with another man.
“Good, because I told Sara the same thing. We are meeting them in the living room once she’s calmed down, she wasn’t doing well on the phone, man. Sara kept having to tell her tobreathe. But she couldn’t get her to calm down. She was crying and wasn’t responding to Sara.”
What the hell? I should have followed her, I should have made her talk to me, make her understand there is nobody else. But instead, I let her believe there was someone else.
She doesn’t have anxiety or panic attacks often but when she does they are bad. Like all a dam with a crack, little by little things get through, until one day it just bursts and it all comes rushing out.
I rush past him, through the house desperate to get to my wife. I take the steps two at a time when I burst into the room to find it empty, but the muffled sound of Sara’s panicked voice directs me to the bathroom, where I find my strong, sexy, independent, and confidant wife, a shell of herself.
Arms wrapped around her middle, on her knees, rocking back and forth, her eyes unfocused, looking at everything and yet nothing. Her ragged breath is so shallow like there is a vice grip on her chest preventing her from taking a deep breath. Seeing her like this makes those cracks in my heart grow more. This is my fault.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, ignoring the glare from Sara, I grab her face between my hands wiping the tears off her face. “Anna, baby look at me. I need to you take a breath okay? I’m right here, copy me okay.” Normally she’ll nod if she registers I was talking to her, but right now she’s too lost in her mind to hear me.
So I lean forward and give her a light, lingering kiss. Then press my forehead against hers when I feel her slightly respond do that. “Sweet girl, I need you to listen to me okay?” I pause searching her eyes, I see the moment she starts to come back. It’s not much, but I can tell she’s looking at me, not through me.
“Breath with me, sweet girl. Ready?” With a slight nod, I don’t hesitate I take a deep breath, hold it for a second, andexhale. I repeat that a few times until she can take deeper breaths. She comes back, a little more with each breath. Her hands reached for my wrists on either side of her cheeks staring into my eyes.
“That’s it, sweet girl, you’re doing great. Keep breathing, I’m right here.” I pull her onto my lap holding her “I’ve got you, always.” I whisper into her hair.
She’s silently crying, but I hear her whisper “You called me sweet girl.”
Anna
Sitting on Greyson’s lap with him holding me, drawing small circles on my thigh just below the towel I’m wrapped in, I take a moment to recall what happened. I ran upstairs and started the bath. I had called Sara.
I see movement out of the corner of my eyes and there she is. When did she get here? I also see Tommy holding her to him, “Anna, oh my goodness, are you okay? I was so worried!” She said, her blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail. She’s in leggings and what looked to be one of Tommy’s shirts. They must have come right over when I started to lose it.
I nod “She just needs a moment, we’ll meet you both downstairs in a few minutes okay?”Grey says gently.
Sara doesn’t seem like she wants to leave. “Come on babe, let’s give them a moment,” Tommy says as he pulls her behind him, I don’t miss the look she’s giving Greyson. Then she looks to me, all it takes is a small nod for her to understand. And she follows her husband, she pauses and looks back at me, “I’ll make you a cup of tea, okay?”
“Thank you, Sara.” Grey says to her, knowing it takes me a little bit to be able to communicate beyond simple gestures after one of my ‘episodes’ as my mother called them. But like every other time I’ve had them over the years, Greyson was there, pulling me back to reality, out of my head. Like he said he’s got me, always.
Realization slams into me. My head snaps to him, “You called me sweet girl, you said you got me, always.” One side of his lips lifts slightly.
“That’s because you are, and I do,” he said. Then he searches my eyes, “Are you okay? I am so sorry I didn’t follow you. I was just so mad. I just needed a second to collect my thoughts.” I shove at his chest, I need space. I can’t be in his arms right now.
“Are you just upset you got caught? Do you call her ‘sweet girl’ is that why you don’t call me that anymore?” The words sound crazy even to me as they leave my lips. Is that what I’m most upset about? Him possibly calling this other woman the name he’d whispered countless times while he was buried so deep inside of me that I could feel him in my very soul. The name he gave me after the first time he feasted on me with his head buried between my thighs.
“Sweet girl, you can’t possibly think that there is anyone else in this world better suited for me than you? Do you?” The hurt I see in his eyes does something to me. It makes me doubt myself, if there wasn’t another woman then what is actually wrong with our marriage?
“Don’t ‘sweet girl’ me, Greyson. Is there someone else or not? Tell me the truth.” I demand.
“I will tell you everything, after, you tell me who this other man is,” he states, with a calm that sends chills down my spine. I look at him dumbfounded, how could he possibly think there was anyone else?
“If you think I would ever do that to you Greyson, then you don’t know me at all!” My voice rose slightly with every word, “You are everything to me, I would never jeopardize losing you over anyone. You are the only man I see, the only man I want, the only man I need, the only man I crave.” I state.
“There, I told you the only man for me is that one right there.” I point over his shoulder, he glances at his reflection,then back at me. With a look on his face and something crosses those blue eyes that I don’t have time to decipher before it’s gone.
I feel the heat of his gaze as he takes me in, I know I look like a mess. But he’s seen me at my best, and my worst. And this man looks like he’s two seconds from losing control.
And I don’t know how I feel about that yet. He takes slow measured steps towards me, I back up slowly until my back hits the door jam. He reaches me, and he raises one hand to rest on the wall next to me, drawing my attention to the muscles of his arms. The other comes up to brush some hair off my cheek, he leans in.
