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Becky had already had a fancy drink and since she didn’t drink much hard alcohol, it relaxed her. The drink relaxed her tongue as well. She told the girls some of the things that she was worried about. They had heard most of it before but as Becky seemed obsessed with the issue, she shared it again.
“I want marriage, but I also want kids, and you all know how hesitant Carter is to commit to that.”
“Is he saying never?”
Becky’s shoulders drooped. “No. But he isn’t saying someday, either. I’m thirty-two, and my arms ache for a baby. It feels like my biological clock has been ticking louder these days. It’s telling me I’m taking too long.”
“I know it has to be hard when you want a baby, not to have one. For me, it’s different,” said Ivy. “I’m a long way from wanting more responsibility.”
“I wish I didn’t want one so badly. It would be much easier. Carter will do anything for me but this. I don’t understand why he doesn’t feel the same way I do. He loves kids.”
Becky knew because she could see it in his eyes, and he was the most gentle, caring teddy bear she’d ever known. But sometimes she saw pain and that was confusing.
Sharlee listened before speaking. “So, it’s the same story. What’s stopping you from getting married is Carter doesn’t want to agree to children. He says he isn’t sure he wants them, but evidence points to another reason. So, I can only conclude thatthe way to solve this mystery and get on with your lives is to find the real barrier.”
Callie rolled her eyes. “Just how much have you already had to drink, woman? That was stating the obvious.”
“I’m tired of being brilliant. I’m on a brain pause.” Everyone laughed.
“I spoke with Lisa, his sister, and as far as his family says, there is no reason why Carter should not be okay with kids. There was no incident or problem when he was growing up that they knew of that would make him hesitate to have kids of his own.”
“I know it sounds bad, but I promise there has to be a reason that makes sense,” said Sharlee.
It didn’t make sense because he was so careful and loving. Becky didn’t get it, and neither did their friends, but Becky focused on Sharlee’s words and knew there was a good reason. She just needed to find it. The girls gave her some ideas and asked more questions between laughing and having too many sugary alcoholic drinks, except for the two pregnant ladies who drank virgins and peed a lot.
“What if you pushed him?” asked Jessie.
“You see if I do something that forces him to respond, then his true self stands up, and he pushes back just enough to stop me from doing what I’m doing. Unfortunately, the minute that happens, he realizes what he’s done and backs up, literally and figuratively. I see the old bossy Carter that cared shine through, then he’s gone. It’s almost cruel.”
“What if you just told him how you felt? You know, communicate?” asked Mallory.
“I have, and we have discussed it, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings just because he might not love me enough to marry me and have a family with me.”
“Don’t say that. I can’t believe that’s true. You remember when Carter had girlfriends all the time... a different one every week sometimes, but when he decided he was interested in you, Becky, all that changed,” said Sharlee.
Ivy said, “He gets very protective when you’re around and when you aren’t, I mean, he relaxes, but if there is a hint of anything happening around you, that man is an immediate tank ready to roll over anyone that even comes close to causing you any trouble.”
The other women nodded, and it made Becky think she was making too much of things. “I know, but then he backs off. He doesn’t carry it forward. It’s like he thinks that the danger is gone now, so he can relax and let me do my thing.”
“Don’t you want to do your thing?” asked Jessie. “What I wouldn’t give to do my own thing these last few months.” There was a round of giggles.
“Yes, no... not always.”
Callie nodded. “I get what you’re saying, but Carter is a big guy. He can be scary. I’ve watched him want to pick up Storm, but he hesitates. If it wasn’t that Storm is around a whole crowd of big, scary uncles, he might be afraid of Carter even though Carter is such a gentle giant.”
Finley agreed. “I’ve seen it too. And now that you mention it, it’s almost like he’s afraid of something. Storm loves him and tries to climb him like a tree every time he sees him. But that might not be his perception.”
“Do you think that’s it? Do you think he is protective and has a few rules for safety and health, but he doesn’t want to scare kids or me? Could he even think he could scare me after all these years of working and then being together?”
Callie shrugged. “It’s just a guess. Why don’t you ask him?”
“What you’re doing now, guessing his whys and reasons is more harmful. If he’s not meeting your expectations and youdon’t say anything, then it ends up breaking your relationship up. I think that’s much worse than hurting his feelings. And if you want to know about the kid thing, don’t guess; ask,” said Mallory. She smiled. “Monroe would be bringing out his rubber paddle by now.”
“No he wouldn’t. You like it too much. He’d be bringing out his quirt.”
Mallory shivered dramatically. “Evil device. Or worse yet, he’d make me write lines. Ihatewriting lines.”
“Mallory’s right,” said Callie. “You need to be honest because, without honesty, there is no trust. You need that, or there’s nothing solid that you’re standing on. Learn from me.”
