AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“God! I knew this would happen, that you’d do something like this. You’re so goddamn flighty, running away at the first sign that something might not be easy for you. Relationships aren’t easy, Jessie. They aren’t supposed to be.”
“Nic doesn’t want me, Mom. He’s fine. Let it go.” I want to scream at her I’m not fine, I love him, but she wouldn’t believe me. Nic is her precious angel and I’m the daughter no one likes all that much.
“I can’t deal with you right now,” she finally says, throwing her arms in the air as she turns back to the house. “Text when you get home, so I know you made it.”
I take a deep breath. Another. Filling my lungs with bitterly cold air steadies me a little. I’ll be fine. I just need to make it to New York, and when I get to my place, I can let it all out.
My hand tightens around the handle of my suitcase and I drag it after me, toward my car. Every step takes me away from Nic while my stupid half-dead heart tries to yank me back.
“Jessie.”
My stomach plummets as his voice settles over me, low and deep. There’s hurt in the way he says my name and I’m glad. I want him to feel some sliver of the pain inside me.
I should run for it, but I stop in front of the patch of ice because I’m a fool. Because a small part of me wants to believe he’ll pour his heart out if I give him time. That my mother and brother are right and he loves me, and maybe always has.
Nic catches up with me, skidding to a stop. He brushes my arm, tentative, his face falling when I pull away. “Where are you going?”
“Home.” It catches in my throat and I cough.
“Why?” The harsh word hangs in the air between us.
Because I can’t stop this from hurting. Because I love you, and you don’t love me.Maybe those words are in my eyes, or on my face, but Nic isn’t reading them—his face remains impassive. I could tell him, but I can’t stand here and listen to him try to find a polite way to tell me everything I overheard. He’s not in love with me. He doesn’t even like me as a friend.
He can never know I love him.
“I’m done.” I manage. I don’t sound like myself and my skin is prickling with sweat, despite the cold.
“Done.” He echoes, crossing his arms. “Why?”
My shoulders lift in a helpless shrug. It’s taking all my effort to keep from crying.
His voice rises, startling a bird out of the bare branches of the maple overhead. “If you’re done, have the courage to tell me you’re done instead of sneaking off.”
I can’t look at him, so I stare at my boot as I toe at the patch of ice on the driveway. A different girl fell on her ass a week ago, but how different was she? I’m still a coward. “I don’t want to fuck you anymore. Can I go now?”
“Christ, Jessie. I don’t want to date you. There’s nothing to run from.”
The broken pieces inside me slice through my heart, and it hurts so much more to hear him say it to me.I don’t want you.He’s waiting for a response and the cold indifference that’s settled over his face is a sharp twist to my pain.
I have to hit him back hard. Protect what’s left of my heart. “We’ve had fun, but you can’t give me anything more than my sex toys can give me and it gets boring after a while, okay?”
He recoils. Another cut to my heart. I need to get out of here.
“So that’s it?” His laugh is loud, cold. “I’m a lump of fucking plastic to you too?”
“Silicone.” I correct him, tightening my hand on my suitcase handle as I step carefully onto the ice. “We agreed to casual holiday sex, Nic. That’s all we’ve been to each other. Living, breathing sex toys.”
“Jessie, wait—” His hand brushes my elbow, but I keep going.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him lose his footing on the ice.
Chapter thirty-one
Jessie
TheambulancetakesNicaway and someone—Mina, I think—stuffs me into Timothy’s truck and buckles me into my seat. She holds my hand in the hospital waiting room, but it doesn’t help. Timothy’s openly glaring at me. Amanda too. My mother’s looks are softer, but she blames me. Hell, I blame myself.
And every time I close my eyes, I hear the crack of his head on the ice. I think of Timothy’s accident—he hit his head and nearly died.
