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Nic said he was fine. He got back to his feet and walked into the house and he wasfinebut Mom called the ambulance anyway. Probably a concussion, the paramedics said. What if they’re wrong? What if he’s bleeding in his brain? Just like Timothy.
It’s not just the sound of his head smacking into the ground that I hear either. It’s every horrible thing I said to him. Every word he said to me, the way he looked at me, all the warmth gone. The pain in my chest is cowering in fear now that it’s lashed out and hurt someone I love.
The doctor comes in. Nic has a mild concussion and—because my mother insists—they’ll keep him overnight for observation. He needs rest and quiet, no stress. He’ll have headaches, but no long-term damage. No apparent memory loss, but he’s tired and irritable. The chances for a full recovery look good. Yes, we can see him once he’s settled in his room, but we need to keep quiet so he can rest, and go in twos…yes, my mother could stay the night, but it’s unnecessary, he’s receiving excellent care, the nurses—
Relief pushes me to my feet and carries me out of the waiting room. He’s going to be okay.
The click of my heeled boots on the hospital floor is oddly soothing, and after a few minutes of aimless walking, I find myself in the hospital gift shop.
I buy a small teddy bear with a canary yellow cape and mask and go back to the waiting room. I’m going to tell him I’m sorry and ask for his friendship.
Mina’s sitting by Timothy now, so I sit alone, toying with the teddy bear’s cape and refusing to take part in the silent conversation Timothy’s trying to have with me. The character of Warwick doesn’t wear a cape, but I think Nic will appreciate this little superhero.
“You couldn’t be happy, could you?” Timothy finally grumbles.
I’ve been expecting it from him, but it startles me anyway, and I drop the bear, bending quickly to pick it up.
My brother is still scowling. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for him to take a chance on you in the first place? After the year he’s had?”
Something in me snaps, my hands strangling the poor teddy bear to keep me from strangling my twin. “You should’ve stayed out of it and stopped trying to push us together.”
“He loves you, dumbass.”
Tears are close and I want to shout at him, to scream that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Instead, I draw a deep breath, my thumbnail dragging over the stitching on the cape. “He doesn’t—he was bored and horny, and I was there.”
Timothy gets to his feet. “If you think that—”
“Timothy. Jessica.” Mom’s voice is mild in tone, but loaded with threats we ignore.
“It was never going to work between us, numbnuts, and you know it.” I push at the tears falling down my face, pissed off that I’m crying in front of him and not caring when my voice rises. “I hope this was fun for you because it sure as hell hasn’t been for me.”
“Youwere leavinghim, Jessie, you don’t get to be the goddamned victim!” Timothy ignores the tug on his arm from Mina, his shout silencing the waiting room.
“No, I’m always the bad guy, aren’t I?” My voice can’t sustain a shout, not with choking sobs threatening. “Aren’t I, Timothy?”
“You could try another way to get attention.”
From my twin, that hurts. Timothy should know me better than anyone, andthisis what he thinks of me. If there’s anything left of my heart, some particles of dust somewhere, they blow away. All I have is rage and fear and a mind-numbing sadness.
Our mother rises to her feet, her voice cracking like thunder. “Outside, both of you. NOW.”
“Stay out of my life.” I snap at Timothy.
“You can ruin it on your own.”
I storm off first—I only know one way to get outside and I’m not going to awkwardly walk down the hall with that asshole. Pushing through the doors, I keep going in case he’s behind me.
It’s cold. The sun’s gone down in a blaze of faded tangerine and rose, the day ending.
Everything is fucking ending.
Pulling deep breaths of the frigid air into my lungs does nothing to calm my racing pulse. I’m on the outside. Again. At odds with my brother.
Again.
I’m alone when I most need someone to pull me into a hug and tell me everything will be all right, that I’ll get through this.
There is no getting through this, but I’d take any lie right now.
