AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A sob escapes and I hold on to the cold metal of a streetlight, the teddy clutched tight to my chest with my other hand as I cry, tears freezing on my cheeks.
I want Nic. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean any of the hurtful things I said to him. I should tell him I love him and let him reject me, and maybe he’ll understand.
Except he’s injured. He doesn’t need me unloading my feelings on him. He doesn’t owe me an attempt to make me feel better.
It’s fully dark when I go inside. Mina’s hanging out in the lobby. She pulls me into a hug and shoves her coffee into my hands to warm my numb fingers.
“We’ll talk when you’re ready,” she says quietly as she leads me through the corridors to Nic’s room.
We won’t because I’ll never be ready to talk about this, but I say nothing. She took my side today. Stood up against my mother. She’s here when she should be with my brother.
Mina leaves me at the door and disappears down the hall.
Nic’s lying in an upright position in the bed, his dark lashes fanned over his cheekbones. His sheets are pulled up to his waist, his hands clasped together over his stomach. He looks a little pale, but strong. God, things could have been so much worse, he could have…
A sob escapes my throat and my mother, sitting in the chair next to his bed, looks up. Her face softens. “Are you okay, sweetie?” she whispers, loud enough to carry her voice across the room.
Nic’s long eyelashes flutter open and I want to throw myself on him and tell him how sorry I am, how scared I am. How much I love him.
But his lips tighten, his stare going cold. I did this to him. Made him look at me like this. It’s awful.
I stop at his bedside, reaching for his hand.
He crosses his arms.
“Nic.” I need the touch he denied like my next breath. Something little, the brush of our fingers. Anything. I am breaking all over again and I need him to tell me we’re okay.
Shaking, I hold the teddy bear out to him. “I got you something.”
His eyes flick to the stuffed animal and up to me. “I don’t want it.”
Right. I look down at the bear’s cheery yellow cape. It was stupid to think he’d want a teddy bear.
Silence lies thick between us, and in that space, the need to tell him everything bubbles up. Overcoming my self-preservation, I reach for him again. My voice, when I speak, breaks under the weight of the sobs it’s holding back. “I’m sorry—”
“Go home, Jessie.” His voice is cold. Flat. The inches that separate us are miles.
My face burns, and my vision blurs again. I nod. Stuff everything back down. Lie to myself that I’m walking out of the room for him. He doesn’t want me. He’s done. I need to be done too.
I leave the bear at the nurses’ station.
My father’s waiting for me in the lobby this time, and we drive home in silence. My suitcase is still in the driveway, so I put it in my rental and drive to New York.
My East Village apartment belonged to my parents, before Timothy and I were born and they moved out to Connecticut. My mom kept it, though, for when she needed to be in the city. Amanda lived here while she went to college, and I followed in her shoes. Only I didn’t leave. I’m too comfortable here. Too set in my ways. The rent I pay my parents is reasonable and I’ve never had to touch my trust fund.
The air inside is stale and I drop the suitcase inside the front door. It can live there, for all I care. I have more clothes in my closet, and unless I need a vibrator for work, I don’t want to touch one ever again. So instead of putting things away, I kick off my shoes and walk directly into the kitchen. I grab a small carton of vanilla ice cream from the freezer and a bottle of Kahlúa from the cupboard.
There’s an art to healing a broken heart. I pour the liqueur onto the ice cream and drop onto the couch. Right on schedule, the tears come back, streaming down my face until I give up on my ice cream.
Five years ago, Camden broke my heart. I drowned my sorrows in booze. Got fired for not showing up at work. The worst part is, my heartbreak over Camden was a lie. I couldn’t see it at the time, but it was Nic marrying Addison that broke me.
It was hell, and I needed Timothy to help pick me back up. This time, I’m doing it alone. From my couch, with my boozy ice cream melting, it seems impossible. I’m drinking it straight from the carton between sniffles.
The scrape of a lock and the sound of my door opening and closing bring me to my feet. I barely have time to blink back the tears before Timothy crashes into me, crushing me into his jacket. I’m a snotty mess, but he holds me in a bear hug, murmuring nonsense at me like I’ve skinned my knee and I’ve never been more grateful to see my big-by-a-dozen-minutes-that-shouldn’t-count brother.
“I’m sorry, J,” he says tightly. “Seeing Nic like that, after my accident—I wasn’t thinking. Didn’t think about how you’d be feeling. I messed up, but I’m here now.”
He’s here. For me. He could be with Nic, or with Mina, but my dumbass brother drove all the way to the city. It turns me into a sobbing wreck all over again.
