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Ash cries out my name and I draw her pleasure out as long as I can, but if I can’t get my cock inside her, I’m going to explode.
She gasps when I lift her off the desk and spin her around. It turns to a moan when I press her down onto the smooth surface. My hands are shaking as I fumble for the condom in my pocket.
It’s a pretty sight, Ash bent over the desk, her skin pale against the dark wood, my fingers wrapped around her thong, and my hard cock pressing between the cheeks of her round ass. So many times we’ve brought out the worst in each other. Sometimes the best. But something about this, about us…
This is temporary and there is no us, I remind myself as I pull the thong down her hips. Only this damned need.
The more we try to satisfy it, the stronger it grows, and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be satisfied. If Ash ever will.
It’s hot and punishing, the way we fuck. But after, I carry her to my room and she lies her head on my shoulder and we talk about our day.
“I had a message from my dad,” she says, softly. “Mom was so upset she ran directly to him. They’re back together. Guess they don’t need me to play their games—the idea of me is enough.”
I kiss the top of her head as I pull her closer. “They don’t deserve you.”
“True,” she agrees, her fingers tracing over my chest in a pattern I can’t recognize. “But it’s not always easy to believe, you know? I am what they made me.”
I feel that deep into my soul. I’m what my dad made me, what Michael and Cora made me, and what I’ve made myself. All these parts of me, pieces from different puzzles that won’t fit together, jostling for space.
“You’re more,” I tell Ash softly. “So much more than what they tried to make you into.”
My problem, though, is the opposite. I’m so much less than Michael wanted me to be.
She plants an appreciative kiss on my chest. Her fingers continue to draw little circles and spirals over my skin as I breathe in the floral scent of her hair. I should be enjoying the feel of her soft, warm body against mine. I am, but my thoughts are chasing Michael, pulling me away.
“I stole a car when I was eleven.” I don’t know why I’m telling her this. It’s not as bad as the stuff I told her on the road. It’s just something that happened, something I did. A step in the life that would have been mine, if things had been different.
Her fingers stop moving. A beat later, she raises her head, looking at me in stunned disbelief.
I comb my fingers through her soft hair and continue anyway. “Drove it home. Parked it in the driveway. I wanted my dad to be proud. I wanted to help because things were getting tight.”
Her fingers flatten over my chest and she rests her chin on the back of her hand, her tawny eyes searching mine. “Did you get in trouble?”
My lips quirk. “Yeah.” Dad was pissed, worried I’d bring the cops to the house. He got rid of the car, which gave me time to get out of the house until he cooled down.
Ashley’s silent, waiting for me to say more.
“Michael took me away from that life,” I say eventually.
“And Cora,” she adds.
“And Cora,” I agree. “But Michael shaped me. Gave me his set of rules and standards and taught me to live like he did.”
“Like a Boy Scout.” Her smirk is playful, but her eyes are serious. I tug on a lock of her hair and she leans up and kisses me lightly, sweetly.
“He had an affair. Another family, with a son,” I say. I shouldn’t be telling her this. The only people who know are me and David, and Lilah, the woman he had the affair with. Even their son doesn’t know. But telling Ashley lightens the load.
“Wow,” Ash says softly. “Cora?”
“Doesn’t know.” Probably doesn’t know. I can’t imagine she knows.
“That sucks,” she murmurs, resting her head back on my chest.
I stare at the ceiling. Her warm breath fans across my skin and after a few minutes, I sigh. “Michael wanted me to be this pillar of authenticity and goodness. But I’m playing a part, Ash. I’ve always been playing this part and I’m tired. How can I be what he wanted me to be when he couldn’t even be that for himself?” There it is. The question I wanted to find on the open road before Ashley took over my every thought.
“Because you were a boy who stole a car and whose dad went to prison?” Ash prompts.
My eyes close. “Yeah.”
