AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My voice is hard, sucking back the bitter taste of Killian's past rejections. "You always defend him, Ciro. Did you know after I showed up and he bought me, I went snooping one night the third week I was there. I hadn’t seen him or met him, but I found him. He was in another room fucking Blair. I know that because I saw them. He did it again while I waited for him at the dinner table. He was too busy fucking Blair and Sarah in his office to have the common decency to at least tell me to fuck off and go away." Ciro flinches, but my lip curls in contempt. Annoyed that Killian has the balls to say I'm stubborn. "He may be a great friend and a great lover to your little girlfriends in your crew. But you heard him yourself that day at the dock in front of everyone. He never cared about me. He cared more about the people counting on him, including you and the rest of your friends. It didn't include me. I wasn't trying to get him to choose. I just wanted to be included." I shake my head, hating myself for loving him despite everything. "So please… he can go fuck himself. He should be celebrating. In his mind, I'm dead. No more fucking the stubborn wife and leaving her when she falls asleep alone in the bed like a paid prostitute." My lip trembles on the last part, remembering all the lonely nights when Killian would leave me.
Ciro glances at Niro and then back at me with a sad expression. "I'm sorry. I had no idea it was like that."
My shoulders sag in defeat because it's not Ciro's fault. A sigh escapes my lips, and I finish preparing the food and quietly say, "That wasn't the worst part. The worst part is looking into the eyes of the person you love, and they repeatedly tell you they can't love you, wishing it was a lie."
"And I wish you didn't love him so you could give me the chance to love you the way you always dreamed of. Let me, Lillith."
A dull ache forms in the pit of my stomach, knowing it hurts him every time he is near me that I can't love him the way he deserves.
The noise of the spoon hitting the metal bowl on the table echoes in the dining room. I lower my mask when I hear footsteps to my left.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Cross," Agnes says breathlessly when she appears behind Blair. "I told her you were indisposed."
I raise a hand, silently dismissing her, and wait until Agnes leaves the dining room. "What?"
Blair saunters closer to the other end of the dining table, and my eyes narrow as she approaches the plate of food set across from me. "Don't you miss me–miss us?"
"No. Get out."
I know what happened is not Blair's or anyone's fault but my own, but a part of me died with her that day. I guess you don't know how precious someone is until they're gone. It puts things into perspective, and one thing is very clear—there is no Blair and me. Never was and never will be.
I watch as her hand toys with the back of the chair. "This isn't healthy, Kill. You need to get back and work on the grid. People are counting on you. I know it's hard. " She moves to touch the plate, and I slam my hand on the white table, causing her to jump and the metal to rattle on the table's surface.
"Don't touch her food!"
Blair jumps back and covers her mouth with her hand. Her eyes are glassy. "I'm s-sorry," she stammers. "She's dead, Kill. She jumped in the ocean, and it's been five years. You can't keep doing this to yourself."
I disregard her words because Lillith Cross will always be alive to me. Her smell, her touch, and the softness of her skin will always be with me. Nothing else matters.
I look her straight in the eyes, and she looks straight back at me. I’m boiling with fury at her, reminding me that my wife is dead. I clench my jaw so tight I grind my teeth. "To me, she will never be dead. No one will replace her, Blair. No one. I suggest you get the fuck out before I throw you out."
Her hands drop to her sides, forming fists. Blair loves to throw a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants. She knows I won't fuck her. She can get naked, and my dick will crawl under my balls to hide. There is only one woman I want, and she's dead because I killed her. I killed us. She'd rather die than live a life without love.
"There's a race coming up. It can clear your mind. Since you've been gone, someone has taken over, winning every race for the past three years in a row."
That has my attention. A race would be good. It's not like I have much to lose anyway. I can push until I explode for all I care.
"Who?"
She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. "No one knows. She goes by the name Pyralis."
"She?"
"No one knows where she came from, but it's a woman with a body like that. You know that no one alters themselves anymore if they want to get on the island."
"What does she look like? Maybe I know who it is."
Many people have been off the main grid for years because of yours truly. The judges and the assholes they employ have been a ghost for a while since I've stopped working on the network. Food and supplies are the only thing that I haven't stopped. If I start back on it, they will raise eyebrows and begin sniffing around me again. They assume it's me, but they don't have proof.
"No one has been able to see her face. She doesn't take off her helmet, and she's covered head to toe in black."
Interesting.
I pull up the network from my watch. The image appears on my prosthetic eye. The next race is in three days. I press the enter button on my watch.
The message appears. Challenge Accepted.
"I'll be there."
