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I wasn't ready to settle down with one girl when I didn't know what I wanted. So, I started to hate Elena because she reminded me, I was expected to step up and take responsibility for our families. I do not hate her personally, but the expectation in her eyes. The hope. I was supposed to be with her, but when I already had done fucked up shit. It got out of hand.
When I started high school, I wasn't ready. When I graduated high school, I was not ready. I started college, and I'm still not ready. I've become a monster that is no good for her.
It's Thursday, and I sit with the guys at the quad. Mya is back from Italy, and Mia and Xena are deep in conversation about Mya. About the family she got to spend time with, how she wants to go back. I find it weird because she never wanted to visit Italy before, but I don't mention it. I focus on the empty seat by Mia that Elena always sits in, giving me a smile every time I crack a joke.
"What's up,ese?" Xavier says," we kicked their ass on the field Monday night, eh?"
We did, but my head wasn't in it. My head was wrapped around his sister, not in the stands screaming my name, wearing my jersey.
"Yeah, we did."
"What's wrong?"
"I'm tired from studying. Football practice and class is kicking my ass."
"Me too,'' Ezekiel, says chiming in.
I do a double take when I see Elena sit next to Mia. Her long, dark hair looks so soft. The light from the sun catches the small diamond nose piercing, making it sparkle.
"Hey, sis," Xavier says, looking at Mya. "What's up. Long time no see…"
"Been busy with school," Elena replies but doesn't look my way.
A bad feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. "Hey, Elena," I blurt.
Niko and Mia look at me, then at her. Elena lets out an audible sigh and gets up.
"Where are you going?" Mya asks her, confused.
"I gotta go," Elena says without looking up.
"But you just got here."
"I know. I forgot that I have to do something."
"But what about your next class?"
"Oh, my schedule is all scattered now that I changed my classes. I have three hours until Math. I'll make it." And she walks away, making me feel like the biggest dick because it's my fault.
Mya gives me an icy stare. "I wonder why." She gets up.
"Where are you going?" Xavier asks, disappointed.
"I'm going to talk to Elena. I haven't seen her since I got back, and she hung up on me the other night and never called me back." She turns to me. "You're an asshole. I heard she changed classes because you didn't want her in the same class as you. I hope you're happy, Santiago." And storms off.
"Mya, we need to talk," Xavier calls out.
She turns around, walking backward. "I've got nothing to say to you, Xavier. We already came to an understanding, remember?"
Xavier mutters something under his breath.
"Trouble in paradise?" I ask.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he growls.
Niko and Ezekiel glance my way, silently telling me to drop it. He doesn't know we know about him fucking Mya our junior year when our parents were out of town.
We hung out at his parents' house during spring break. We left the house after Niko came downstairs with a knowing look. It was obvious what Xavier and Mya were doing when they were the only two missing. I almost got caught gawking at Elena wearing booty shorts by the pool with Mia and Xena. There was no way I could have stayed with the massive boner I was trying to hide in my shorts.
