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Gramps’ business has lost customers since his death. He had loyal customers but since he passed away, they left too, taking their business elsewhere as they don’t think I can do a good job as a seventeen-year-old running a business. I’m just shy of eighteen but that is semantics to them and means nothing.
Lewis is still running the shop and has now taken me on as an apprentice. I wanted to be a mechanic anyway, so this is one step closer. He said I still must stick school out though,because it was what my gramps wanted for me. So here I am, hopping off my bike already a quarter of the way through the year. This will all be a distant memory soon and I won’t remember these days.
With the loss of business at the auto shop, the bills have started piling up. I found the bar in this town my gramps would frequent as his friend Ted is the owner. He took pity on me and offered me a job so now I’m waiting tables in the evenings a couple times a week. I spent my whole holidays either in the auto shop learning or in the bar working. When I turn eighteen, he said he will be able to let me behind the bar to make drinks, but for now I must wait. Doesn’t bother me, money is money no matter how I get it.
I’ve had to cut down on my groceries so I can make my paycheck last. I keep telling myself it won’t always be like this. For now, I must hustle because there is no way I’m losing Gramps’ house or his shop. He fought too hard for those things, and I don’t want to let him down by losing them.
∞∞∞
Iwalk into class and focus with a new determination in me than I did at the end of last term. I’ve lit a fire under my own ass as there’s no one to do it for me, and I’m set on making my gramps proud. I may be working myself to death seven days a week, but I will get there.
Lunch time rolls around, and I’ve always sat by myself in the cafeteria. Everyone else chatters away around me. I’ve spent this time listening to the latest rumours about me or feigning boredom. Now I take the time to complete homework or catch up on my reading. I’ve had to budget my money so tightly; I skip lunch now or I either have an apple or a muesli bar to getme through to dinner. It won’t always be like this; I keep telling myself. And I can only pray it won’t be.
The bright orange hair of Sophia I always look for is still there in the background. I catch glimpses of it, but I’ve noticed I don’t seek it out like I used to. We come from different worlds, her and I. If I did want her in some way, there’s nothing I have to offer her. I’d never be worthy of a girl like her who has the world at her feet with a rolled out red carpet. So, I’ve let her go. I’ve let go of the crush I had. She will be destined for great things, and I’ll still be slaving away trying to make ends meet. It is what it is, and I’ve accepted that fact.
Life deals you a hand and all you can do is make the best out of what you’ve been dealt. And that’s what I plan to do.
Chapter Eight
Sophia
Lorenzo’s changed. The rumour mill is still going strong about him. Another girl Mackenzie said she hooked up with him over the weekend and all the other girls are gushing over her about her stories. I’ve listened a few times to what she has to say though and her story changes, so I don’t think it’s true. I did find out she was the one who left her number on the rose and that’s how they started hooking up, but I saw him throw the number away, so it makes me doubt her more.
It’s three weeks into the second term now. I discreetly watch Lorenzo. It’s quick glances here and there as if I’m scanning the room but I’m in fact looking for him. We’re currently in the cafeteria. It’s where I have the best time toobserve him. He’s always got his head in a book now. He looks like he’s lost a bit of weight too and he hardly eats lunch. I’m not sure why but he only ever has a piece of fruit or something small and I’m sure he must be hungry. Kelsey’s brother alone eats more than me, her and Delilah do combined.
So, I made myself extra lunch today. It’s an extra chicken sandwich and a banana but I packed it with a purpose. The others get their lunches from school, but I never have because of my peanut allergy so it’s safer for me to bring my own food from home. Me and my brown paper bag are not out of place this way.
“Guys I gotta go to the library quickly and grab a book I need,” I tell the girls. They are busy gossiping with Mackenzie so aren’t paying me much attention anyway. So, I grab the extra lunch that sits in my bag and with purposeful strides, I head to the table where Lorenzo sits closest to the doors which lead out of the cafeteria. It’s the perfect place to be where you can make a fast getaway.
My pulse speeds up as I close the distance and as I reach him, I place the bag on the table and bend and pretend to tie my shoelace. I stand back up and look at Lorenzo whose eyes are on me now. My gaze glances at the bag and I give him a slight nod. He stares back at me with his dark eyes but where there was once a warmth behind them is now a sadness. He gives me a small smile before I walk away but I can’t help but wonder what happened to him to cause him such sadness. I wish I was brave enough to ask.
∞∞∞
Every day from then on, I double my lunch and split them into two brown paper bags. As I walk into the cafeteria every lunch time, my feet drag behind my friends so I can drop one bagon the table where Lorenzo sits. No one else ever sits at the table so on the days he runs late the bag sits there waiting for him. We don’t acknowledge each other anymore and he hasn’t spoken to me since Valentine’s Day. I don’t think he ever realised I was one of the ones who left him a rose. My note was probably stupid, but I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone at this school. He’s always by himself and I wonder if he likes it that way or not. I have my friends, but they are surface level. I long for a deeper connection with someone but it is hard to find around here. I have Kelsey and Delilah, but I wonder if there is more to friendship where you can tell each other your darkest secrets and not be judged. I don’t feel safe enough voicing how I really feel around them.
Iwonder if I’ll always be surrounded by a sea of people but still feel lonely. I wonder if that’s how Lorenzo feels. Surrounded by people but all alone. Perhaps he likes it that way.
∞∞∞
The year passes in the blink of an eye and before I know it, it’s my last day at school. We have the graduation ceremony this weekend, but today is our last formal day of school. I’ve continued to leave lunch for Lorenzo every day since the day I started doing it. We carried on the rest of the year as if it wasn’t a thing. It was a small secret we held between the two of us and it would bring a smile to my face when I was alone. I hoped it made him smile too.
Clearing out my locker for the final time I drop all my books into my bag. As I pull out the ones on the top, there sits a white sealed envelope with my name scrawled across the front. The banging of lockers and laughter of everyone excited to finally be finishing school is in the air. I run my finger under theedge to break the seal and pull out the folded piece of paper and read.
Sophia,
I’m not sure where to start but I wanted to thank you for the kindness you have shown me since I started at this school. On the first day of school, you were nice to me when all anyone else did was whisper and talk about me behind my back.
I don’t know how to put into words what your kind gesture has meant to me this year. I’ve been going through a hard time since my gramps died on Valentine’s Day and I’ve tried my best to hold it together. Some days I did and some days I struggled but without realising it, you helped me get through this year.
I’m sorry I never acknowledged what you’ve done for me or talked to you more. I guess my pride got in the way and it was easier to accept if I pretended it wasn’t happening. I hope you can forgive me for that fault.
I didn’t want to leave you without saying thank you and for making me feel less alone. Don’t let the world harden your heart Sophia because the world needs more of your goodness in it.
If we ever cross paths again, I hope it is in better circumstances. I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness.
Lorenzo
My hands shake when I finish the last line and I scan the hall for Lorenzo. I haven’t seen him since lunchtime today when I delivered my last offering to him. He didn’t acknowledge me then but that was usual for us, although being the last day of school, I had hoped he may say something, but he didn’t. Thisfeels like goodbye, and it makes me sad I never knew his grandad had died. For him to suffer through that with no friends around makes me hurt for him. I hope he’s okay. I don’t have his number and I know no one else has it. The girls around here have tried their best, but he never gave it to anyone, though some have said they had it. I don’t believe they did.
