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I wasn't expecting to hear her say that to me when I started on this quest, but hearing those words from her has to be the fucking icing on the cake.
She lifts her drip-free hand and I see she is still holding the charcoal sticks.
“I wanted to give them to you myself,” she says and another round of tears drop. “This is the first thing you have asked me since you left me four years ago and I was just so happy to give them to you,” she chuckles. “I don't even do charcoal sketching but every time I go to buy materials for myself, I always make sure to get them, because I was hoping you'd come into my room and ask me if I had some like old times, and you did today,” she dabs her cheek.
I can't see her vividly because of the tears dancing in my eyes, making my vision hazy.
“I'll make it up,” I say, because it's a promise I will fucking keep. I have to make it up to her. We both have to make it up to each other. We have had so much taken from us and I am just fucking glad we can now begin again from where we left off.
She pouts, then squints her eyes at me.
My brain is still trying to catalog that look when her free hand begins to smack me all over.
“You hurt me,” she smacks my shoulder, “I am your mother, and those horrible words you said to me…” she smacks the side of my head, and like always, instead of running away from her paper-light smacks, I go forward, and wrap my arms around her.
“I miss you, mom,” I exhale sharply, feeling lighter from the weight that has been lifted off me.
“I miss you too my precious boy,” she circles an arm around me.
Darkness can be manipulated to have a charm with the strategic placement of lights.
Her, Orazio, Evelyn, and Rosaline are my strategic placement of lights.
God, I love them.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ROSE
“What do you think?” I know the nurse said Maria is fine but it doesn't stop me from pacing as I ask Orazio.
“About what?” He shrugs.
“Everything!” I throw my hands in the air, “What if she doesn't know what happened or can't remember anything that happened because of you know…”
“I don't know, Rosa,” he narrows his eyebrows, “Finish your words.”
“Amnesia, you heard the nurse say she had a concussion,” I pace past him and he grabs me by the dress and pulls me down to sit.
“And what will your pacing do for her memory?”
I smack my lips, hating that he has a point. Would my appearance trigger her in the wrong way? She is his mother and Benedetto would pick her if he had to.
I take a deep breath. I might be overthinking this. She might be fine. A concussion doesn't mean she will have amnesia.
And if I am being truthful, it's not her concussion I fear. It's the mere thought that I might not be needed again after this.
Claudio is dead.
Romano is married.
I'm free to go back to New York.
Benedetto is free to stay here in Boston and take care of his family and clan. Our lives are about to take different paths and I don't know if I will be needed in his anymore.
I shake the thoughts away.
I will be needed, but maybe not in the capacity I want to be needed. He may need me to come to his bed but then what? What happens when he gets bored? His fixation on things only lasts as long as he can find something intriguing to keep him interested. What happens when I stop being interesting to him?
