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“Like the fact that Luke was probably my best friend.”
“Yeah, right! Then why the fuck did you say all that mean shit about him the first night I was at the bar? That was really mean, Chase.”
“After you and I started hanging out—”
Dana interrupts with the coffees, “Hey, Lara. Welcome back! You’ve been gone so long!”
“Yeah, visiting friends,” I smile, then put my hand out to Chase. “This is—”
“Your boyfriend! I saw you holding hands! What a catch! Everyone is staring at him!”
Chase smiles politely, “Hi, I’m Chase,” then he shakes hands with her.
“Dana,” she smiles back. “Enjoy guys, let me know if you need anything else.”
When she’s gone, the smile vanishes from Chase’s face, “Listen, Lara…I’m fucked up, you know that. The shrink at the VA said I had survivor’s guilt because I was the only one in my unit who made it. I gave those prospects a hard time because I wanted them to be tough. Your brother and Nick got my vote because theyare.”
“And?”
“And after Luke got patched, we started hanging out. He was like another brother. Not the way the club tells you. It was more than that. He showed me that I could come back from just drowning myself in booze and hating myself.”
Hmm. “Dom did say that you were getting better for a while.”
“Luke was the reason. He saved me, Lara. We talked, he listened…we shared. I had someone to talk all that shit out with and I wanted to try being a person again.”
“But why did you say all that stuff about him then?”
The blood suddenly drains from his face and his eyes well up.God…what is he going to say?
“Chase?”
“Lara, Malcolm wasn’t aiming at Luke, he was aiming at me. Luke pushed me out of the way,” he pauses to swallow and takes my hand. “When Malcolm saw who he’d shot, he ran. I fired back, but he got to his bike and started riding. Instead of following him, I stayed with Luke. He…” Chase puts his hand over his face.
“What?!”
He grits his teeth. “He died in my arms, Lara. That’s why I said those things. Because I was angry that he did that for me. Itshouldhave beenme.He had everything to live for, I was just a drunk asshole that he’d saved, but without even thinking, he gave his life for mine.”
I start breathing harder. Two years…and now…
“I didn’t want to tell you because I thought that you would blame me. I didn’t deserve it, Lara. If I could take it back, I would. I wish I could go back and do it over again, I’d take his place and give you back your brother, but he’s gone and I…I can’t bring him back.”
I start crying, it’s silent, but the tears are flowing.
Chase’s tears flow too.
We hold each other to hide our faces.
Chase sniff and talks into my ear, “Luke didn’t carry a gun. He’d never killed anybody. He was friends with everyone. Malcolm asked to meet him that night because he wanted to talk about his coup. I went with him because we were hanging out.”
“Yeah?” I sniff and hold him tighter.
“Malcolm was high as a kite, when he told us what he had in mind, Luke tried to calm him down, but then I threatened Malcolm and he drew down. I’m so sorry, Lara. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I wanted you to know the truth.”
He pulls away from me and dries his eyes. I do the same.
“You know the only thing he talked about was—my sister, the doctor—everything he did was for you. He loved you very much.”
I try my best to compose myself, “I don’t blame you, Chase. That’s who Luke was,” I pause to sniff away my tears. “You know, when you all shot that guy at the bar and we found out that those other three were cheating, I asked Dom if there was a lesson behind all of it.”
