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“That’s right—you don’t.”
“The why are you doing it?”
“Because doctors take an oath to do no harm. I can’tletyou bleed to death when it’s in my power to stop it.”
Something about what she says flips my switch, “Well, I think that’s bullshit. Doctors these days overprescribe and overmedicate, treating imaginary problems to make more money out of their patients. The medical industry is a business, so don’t act like the Pope blessed you to right all the wrongs in the world.”
“Jeez…and this is youwithoutdrinking,” she leaves my suture unfinished, gets up and walks away…right out the front door.
“Where are you going?!”
The door slams and I’m left alone.
I just sit there…wondering how the fuck I’m going to close this up myself, but then I hear the door open again. Lara hurries into the room and puts a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.
“There. Do whatever you want.”
She goes back to the suture. No matter what I do, I’m going to feel like shit anyway. I might as well drink it.
“An alcoholic will always make excuses. Everyone’s always wrong and they’re always right. Everyone is always beneath them and no one understands…becauseyouknow everything and we’re all just sheep.”
Sigh.
“And for your information, I’m well acquainted with the medical industry as of late. That doesn’t mean that I got into this field to make millions and own a holiday house in Maui. I did it to help people, whether they’re homeless, rich, in-between oryou.”
She snips the end of the thread. I turn and pull her onto my lap and kiss her.I don’t know why…it’s like I can’t control myself.
A part of me wants to feel good and take the pain in my body away.
Another part of me wants her to take away the pain in my soul. Something is telling me she’s the only one who can do it. Something is telling me that if she’ll forgive me, I can move past what I am.
If she’ll love me, I won’t bethisanymore.
I kiss her deeply…firmly…and to my shock, she responds. The pain is gone…from everywhere.
Till I feel something sharp under my chin…but I don’t stop…then the sharp thing pierces my skin and I halt.
Lara’s eyes are wide when I back my face away from hers.
The sharp thing is the pair of scissors she used to cut the thread. “Get off me. I took an oath to do no harm, but I’m still allowed to defend myself.”
“I…I didn’t mean it like…”
“Let go…now.”
I realize that my arms are around her. One on her back and one on her head. I release her and she gets to her feet.
“Don’teverfucking do that again!”
“I’m sorry…I don’t know why…”
“Youneverknow, Chase. That’s your problem. Now, are you going to behave while I put these bandages on?”
“Yes, I will. I’m sorry.”
I sit there patiently and let her do her work. What the fuck is wrong with me?What the fuck!?
I zone out thinking about what a fuck-up I am and only snap out of it when Lara says, “Right, we’re done.”
