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It’s how he kept me in check for so long. But I don’t want to be that person anymore.
Still, I’m not ready to tell the therapist any of this. So as I sit here, my mind racing to come up with a plausible explanation, and I think of Adrian.
About how kind, patient, and understanding he is.
Adrian doesn’t deserve any of the baggage I come with.
Doctor Sheridan leans back against her chair and unlinks her fingers. “Okay, I want you to take several deep breaths. Hold them in for ten seconds and release.”
I mimic her movements and feel some of the tension leave my body.
“I want you to work on your assignment for the week. Every day when you wake up, I want you to fill out a mood chart that I’m going to send you via email. During our next session, you can bring your laptop along to show me.”
“I thought we only had limited access to the outside world. So as not to interfere with the healing journey.”
“That’s true. So, I’ll be sending the mood chart during the allotted hour. The mood chart is split into two-hour intervals. In each slot you can write down how you feel during that time period and why.”
“Okay.”
“I also want you to write down some of the fears and resentments you have when the intrusive thoughts come up. We’re going to be unpacking and discussing them during our therapy sessions.”
I press my lips together and say nothing.
“Most of my patients don’t like homework, but it’s part of the process,” Doctor Sheridan adds, with an apologetic smile. “You’ll start to really feel it work when you get into the habit of doing it.”
“And in the meantime?”
“In the meantime, I’m going to send you some breathing exercises to help with anxiety and mindfulness. I also want you to remember something. You are here because you are looking for something different.”
I tilt my head to the side and stare at her. “What do you mean?”
“It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone to find your way back to who you were.” Doctor Sheridan stands up and gives me a cryptic smile. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today. I’ll see you soon, Danielle. Take care of yourself.”
Hours later, I’m sitting by the campfire, jotting down a few things when loud laughter erupts.
The other guests are talking to each other and laughing. Suddenly I’m aware of Adrian’s gaze on me.
With a sigh, I snap my notebook shut and wander away from the fire, the clearing, and the other guests.
Underneath the shade of a tree that’s far enough away from everyone else, I lean against a trunk and squeeze my eyes shut.
“Summoning the spirits of your ancestors?”
My eyes fly open, and I see Adrian standing a few feet away, bathed in moonlight, carrying two cups.
He hands me one, and I give him a small smile. “Do you think it’ll help me with my therapy assignment? Because I can use all the help I can get right now.”
Adrian grimaces. “Oh, yeah. That’s some heavy stuff. Therapy is never easy, and it’s not meant to be comfortable. Even the spirit of your ancestors can’t help you here.”
I push myself off the trunk. “Thanks for that.”
Adrian takes a sip of his own drink. “Do you want to know how I got through it when I was in therapy?”
“Tell me.”
“You have to open yourself up to it. Therapy is hard work, and it’s going to get harder before it gets easier. And it damn sure is going to dredge up some things you might think should stay buried. But when you make it to the other side, it is so worth it.”
“You really think so?”
