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My heart is jumping around uneasily as I duck into the main cabin, through the backdoor. I rush down the hallways, taking a series of twists and turns until I reach Brian’s room.
Without knocking, I burst in.
“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”
He’s standing in the middle of the room, his back turned to me, his gaze fixed on something outside.
My eyes dart all over the room, taking in the clothes strewn everywhere, and the drawers hanging off their hinges.
Clothes, sheets, pillows, dishes, and more are strewn all over the room. I step further into the room and let the door click shut behind me.
Brian spins around, his eyes tight around the edges. He pushes his glasses further up his nose and exhales.
“It’s over.”
“What’s over?”
“Vanessa and I,” Brian responds, with a shake of his head. “She just posted pictures of their engagement. Can you fucking believe it?”
I blow out a breath. “Brian, I’m so sorry.”
Brian lowers his head and presses two fingers to his temples. He begins to rub in slow, circular motions. “I don’t know why I thought she’d wait for me again. I knew this time was different. Because she’s never looked at me like that before.”
I sit on the edge of his bed and pat the spot next to me. “You are doing the work to get better, Brian. Don’t let her stop you. You’ve come too far.”
Brian sits down next to me and stares straight ahead, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “I was doing this for her. All of this was to give us a chance to get better.”
I frown. “I think it’s beautiful, that you were willing to do this for her. But it’s time you started doing it for yourself.”
Brian’s eyebrows furrow together. “I am doing this for myself.”
“I meant that you need to start applying yourself more and taking all of this more seriously. I know that you’re not a fan of therapy or medication, but they’re meant to help you.”
Brian tilts his head in my direction and snaps at me. “I know.”
I exhale. “I need to know that you can take care of yourself because I don’t know if I’m always going to be around. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
Brian swings his gaze over to me. “I do, and you also deserve to have a life, Adrian. God knows you’ve been dealing with my shit for too long.”
I clear my throat. “You’re my brother. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than standing in support of you.”
Brian stands up. “I appreciate that, but you’re right. I’m sorry I’ve been screwing up. From now on, no more distractions.”
I rise to my feet and shove both hands into the pocket of my jeans. “Are you sure? That’s a big commitment.”
Brian nods and offers me a half-smile. “I’m sure. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me. Nothing lasts forever. Even the best feelings and relationships come to an end without our control. I'm tired, Adrian. I'm tired of me. I want to be normal.”
In one quick move, Brian draws me in for a hug. I stiffen at first then slowly relax. A low unfurling begins in the center of my chest and spreads.
Finally, Brian releases me and turns away, so I don’t see the tears in his eyes. I swallow past the lump in my throat and walk over to the door.
In the doorway, I pause to glance back at him, and for the first time in a long time, there’s no tightness in my chest.
I feel lighter when I walk out into the hallway.
The feeling stays with me until I walk into my room, strip off my clothes, and crawl into bed. It smells like Danielle’s floral perfume, and it makes my chest ache.
I bury my face in the pillow and squeeze my eyes shut. But as I toss and turn, I realize I’m not going to get any sleep tonight.
