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We’re silent as Tuck uses one hand to guide the truckthrough traffic. My doctor’s office is only a twenty-minute drive from the ferry to Bald Head, but it feels like an eternity. I don’t know what to say. If I should say anything at all.
I’m scared.
Scared to make the wrong choice. Scared that Tuck isn’t on the same page as I am, even though I don’t know what page I’m even on.
It’s a mind fuck if there ever was one.
Tuck clears his throat. “Can I ask what’s going through your mind right now? Where you’re at in terms of...”
Keeping the baby. Or not.
Blinking, I look out the window. “I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I mean, us having this baby—it’s crazy, right?”
Tuck adjusts his hand on the top of the wheel. “I’m not sure how to answer that, Maren.”
“My parents would shit a brick. Rightfully so. My mom had me so young, and I know she gave up so much to raise me. I’d have to give up a lot too. I haven’t even started my career. I have no money?—”
“Don’t stress about money.”
Sniffling, I glance at him. An ache spreads in my stomach at how handsome he looks right now in his gold-rimmed aviators and button-up shirt. Light slants through the windshield, illuminating the masculine cut of his cheeks and jaw. Soft lips.
Those lips. I’ll never forget how they tasted. The patient, knowledgeable way they moved over my body.
“I don’t expect anything from you.” I look down at my lap. “Whatever we end up doing?—”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Have zero expectations.” He turns his head to look at me, the sinews in his neck popping against his skin. “You’re an incredible person, Maren. A good person. You deserve more than nothing.”
Oh, God, I’m crying again. But these tears are different.
They almost feel like . . . relief.
“Thank you for saying that,” I croak.
Tuck rests his elbow on the console between us. Leans toward me. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Whatever the case, it makes me feel slightly better.
“Whatever you need, I got it,” Tuck says. “Money isn’t an issue.”
I nod. That’s actually a huge deal—the fact that we’d have the means to properly take care of this baby. He or she would have the best of everything.
Except, perhaps, a mom and a dad that lived together. Tuck and I haven’t talked about where we stand or what we are, much less moving in together. I’d be down to give that a try. I really would. But I get the feeling Tuck isn’t crazy about that idea. Which, again, makes me wonder what his story is. Why he’s not open to giving us a shot, other than our age difference.
“Okay. But while we’re on the subject, I’ve always wanted to make my own money. I want a career. I’ve worked really hard to set myself up for one. Being independent is important to me.”
“I respect that.” Tuck hits his blinker. “I like working.”
“And having a baby now... it’d be really hard to start my career at the same time. I’ve seen firsthand how tough working parents have it. And you’re in the prime of your career, not the start. Entering the race with a baby in tow would be like shooting myself in the foot.”
Tuck nods. “It won’t be easy.”
He’s not saying much. But maybe that says a lot. Maybe he’s agreeing with me because he doesn’t want this baby. The idea makes my stomach drop.
“Then there’s my nannying job to consider. Money may not be an issue, but maternity leave would be. Who would take care of Katie while I’m with the baby? And how thiswhole thing looks, the single dad getting the young nanny pregnant? It’s not great.”
