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Tuck grunts. “No shit.”
“Long story short, all signs point to not having this baby.”
Tuck does that thing again where he adjusts his hand on the wheel. “Is that how you feel?”
“I don’t know,” I repeat. “How do you feel about it?”
He flexes his jaw. “Katie was planned. Her mom and I were married when we had her. We were pretty well set up, but even then, having a baby was still the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done. Do you and I really want to take that on right now? Without any kind of foundation? How is that fair to anyone, especially a baby?”
I nod, too choked up to reply for a beat. “You’re right.”
“I don’t mean to sound heartless. But I have to think of the baby I already have. This would rock Katie’s world. And her world’s already been rocked enough.”
I want to ask him what that means. What happened with his ex, and why she’s not involved in their lives. Katie never mentions her. I’ve never caught Tuck or Katie talking to her on the phone. I would’ve thought the woman had passed if Mom didn’t tell me she left Tuck not long after Katie was born.
Makes me wonder exactly when she left. Did Tuck have to take care of newborn Katie totally on his own from day one? If that’s the case, no wonder he’s not interested in doing it again.
But I don’t ask. I don’t want to put him on the spot. And that’s his story to share. I hope one day he feels comfortable enough to share it.
“That’s fair,” I reply. “We absolutely have to take Katie into consideration. She’s a special little girl.”
Tuck cuts me a look. “Everyone says that about their kids.”
“Because it’s true. She’sourspecial girl. I only want the best for her, and I know you do too.”
His Adam’s apple bobs. “I appreciate you understanding. So... does this mean you’re leaning that way too?”
I feel the hot press of tears again. My rational brain wants to tell him that yes, I am leaning that way. I don’t think we should have a baby right now. It’s not like either of us will never have the chance again to build a family.
But my heart isn’t so sure. I’m not morally against terminating a pregnancy. This isn’t me feeling guilty or bad.
This is just me feeling around for the truth. For what the next right step might be.
“I don’t know.” I close my eyes and press my fingertips to my forehead. “I’m sorry, I need some time.”
Tuck rolls his lips between his teeth. “Take all the time you need, Maren. I’m here, always, if you need me.”
His kindness only makes me cry harder.
Am I already in love with this baby?
Or am I just falling hopelessly, tragically in love with Tuck?
sixteen
. . .
Tuck
Playing Hooky
Guidinghis boat through the marina, Dad sings as we head out to sea.
I wrinkle my brow. “What in the world are you singing?”
“Maren Morris. She’s a country rockstar.”
My gut seizes at the name. I swear to Christ, it’s like the universe is conspiring to make it literally impossible to stop thinking about my nanny.
