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Grief mounts, and I’m on my feet before I can process it, ripping out a wooden board from the floor and hurling it against the wall of the shack. I rip out the next beam, and the next one. By the time I’m done, my hands are bloody and ravaged, and the hut is no longer intact.
It’s the actions of a crazy man. And I’ve gone crazy, there’s no question because as I stand on the muddy ocean banks—my hands on my knees, doubled over, trying to catch my breath—clarity comes, and it is devastating.
The only way I can protect Alyona is to push her away. Tell her I never loved her, that she meant nothing to me.
As much as it will destroy her, the truth is even more devastating.
* * *
ALYONA
I wake up alone in an empty bed and smile up at the ceiling. Today is the day that Leo and I become official. No more sneaking around, no more hiding.
Yulian will be home from Russia this afternoon, and Leo and I will sit down and tell him everything. Man, he is going to be shocked, and probably more than a little pissed that we’ve been carrying on behind his back, but he wants the best for me, I’m sure of that.
And Leo is the best. He’s my everything.
Leo must have snuck out of bed early this morning so as to not wake me up.
Today is a big day, and I’m sure he’s taking some time to figure out how to tell his father. Although the pakhan might oppose Leo’s choice, he’ll accept it in time. How could he not? Leo is his son, and he loves him. Don’t all parents just want their children to be happy?
I eat breakfast, work out, read a bit, do my nails, and then finally turn on a movie, but by the time 4 p.m. rolls around and there’s still no sign of Leo, I’m feeling a little anxious. I text him, letting him know that I’m in my bedroom, and that Yulian will be home soon.
Minutes pass, but still no response. He leaves me on read, which is strange, but I’m not going to start obsessing over this. If Leo needs time, I’ll give it to him. We can wait until tomorrow to talk to Yulian, nothing will change between now and then.
Hours pass, and still nothing from him. Now the worry starts to set in. What if he’s been in an accident? What if his talk with Serge didn’t go well? What if… any number of scenarios play through my mind, but I refuse to panic just yet.
I call Daniil. The phone is ringing, pressed against my ear, when the door to my room flies open and Leo stands on the threshold.
“Thank god.” I hang up the phone, tossing it onto the bed, and hurry towards him, but just as I’m about to fling myself into his arms, I stop myself. Something isn’t right. “Are you okay?” My eyes rove all over his body. His muddy boots, his bloody hands, his bruised face, he has a crazy shiner on his left eye. “Holy shit, what happened to you?” But his face remains deadpan. My pulse roars in my ears, something is wrong. I’ve never seen him like this.
“We made a mistake,” he says coldly. His expression is remote. Like a stranger has taken over his body.
“Leo, I don’t understand.” Panic unfurls in my belly, its icy tendrils extending out to wrap around my lungs. “Is this about telling Yulian? Are you getting ner—” He holds up a hand to stop me.
“No, Alyona, we are the mistake.” His voice is hoarse, like he’s forcing out the words. “I was wrong to think this could be anything serious. That we could actually have a future together.”
The room spins, and I nearly fall to my knees. Is this really happening? “Like hell we are a mistake!” I rage. “Are you getting cold feet? Is that what’s happening? You!? The bravest man I know. Don’t take the cowardly route, Leo, it’s not who you are.”
Raw devastation passes over his face, but he blinks, forcing his features back into that fucking blank mask. This is not the man I fell in love with. This is a poor substitute. “You’re wrong. What we have—no, what wehad—was nothing but lust. I was your first fuck, so you mistook it for love. It’s not that, only lust.” He takes a shaky breath, his chest rising and falling unevenly. “You’re just a kid, Yulian’s little sister. I can’t give up my future as a vor. It’s my honor. My family’s honor.”
It’s like someone hurled a stake at my chest, that’s how blinding and raw the pain is. This is not Leo. He’s not this person, this monster, his expression shuttered. Closed off.
But maybe he is. I just never saw it before. My knees give out, and before I know it, Leo has me in his arms, but instead of comforting me, all he does is deposit me on the bed and stand over me.
“I… I never meant to hurt you, but I don’t want to lead you on any longer. We need to end this.”
Some things in life carve wounds too deep to heal from; I should know. My father’s death was one, but this… I don’t know how I’ll come back from this. I turn over to face the wall so I no longer have to look at him. “Get out,” I manage to whisper. “Get out, Leo. I never want to see your face again.”
He hovers over me for a second longer before clearing his throat. The door clicks shut as he leaves. My breath hitches, but no tears come, the pain is so immense it’s physical, it hurts like someone cracked open my chest and ripped out my beating heart.
A minute later, a devastated howl rips through the house. It sounds like a beast ensnared in a trap. I recognize the voice behind the anguish, but it’s an echo in the void. Everything is lost, nothing else matters.
* * *
“Are you sure about this?Going to Paris alone?” Yulian pulls up to the arrivals curb and switches off the engine. Sitting back in the driver’s seat, he takes me in, a frown marring his usually handsome face.
“I’m sure, Yulian,” I say, plastering yet another fake smile of reassurance on my face. “It’s really what I want. You know I’ve always been interested in fashion.”
