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“Sure. It just seems so sudden.” He runs his hands through his hair. “I’m just going to ask you this once.” He swallows and flicks his gaze out the window. “Did something happen between you and Leo? Because for the last few days, you’ve barely left your room and he’s… god, he’s a fucking wreck. I haven’t seen him like this before. He’s been on a three-day bender.”
Pain slashes through my chest, followed by a much stronger emotion. Anger. I grit my jaw, but I know I need to tell Yulian something. And it can’t be a bullshit excuse, either, because my brother will see through my lies.
“Something did happen,” I confirm. Yulian’s body tenses, his hands curling into fists. “Something that was a long time coming. But it’s not going to work out for us. It’s better if I go to Paris and he joins the brotherhood.”
That will always fucking burn. That Leo chose the bratva over me. But what did I expect? The Kozlov Bratva is his family’s legacy, it was the only future Leo ever imagined for himself. Maybe for a time when we were together, he entertained the idea of a different way of life, but in the end, he was too chicken shit to follow through.
Yulian’s jaw hardens. “I didn’t see that coming.” His nervous fingers drum out a beat over the steering wheel. “Do I need to kick his ass?”
I shake my head sadly. “No, it’s fine. Pakhan made a few calls… I have an internship at a prestigious fashion house starting in a few days. This is what I want, Yulian. A fresh start.”
He pulls me into his chest, wrapping both arms around me. “I’m going to miss you. And I’m going to visit the first chance I get.”
“Sure.” I pull away, offering him a small smile. “The bratva keeps you busy, bro. Promise me you’ll be careful. Promise me.” My words catch in my throat and if I want to avoid soaking his leather seats in tears, I need to leave his car right now.
“I will. You know I will.”
“I better go.” He makes a move to help me, but I stop him with a hand on his chest. “I’ll hire a porter. I just… need to leave now. On my own.”
Yulian seems torn. But in the end, he only gives a nod. "Take care of yourself,” he says, his voice heavy with restrained emotions.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-EIGHT
LEO
They saythe truth will set you free. I’m not so sure about that. Standing here with my confession echoing in the stark silence, I don’t find freedom, only a hollow numbness in my chest.
Yulian reacts first. With a muttered curse, he tears off his wig, flings it on the cellar floor, and stalks out. I knew this would be hard for him to stomach, having worked closely with my father for years. To learn that the man your father trusted, the man your father died for and that you were loyal to, would have your own blood killed. It’s devastating.
Aly calls after him, but she doesn’t move. I can feel her gaze on me, but I can’t bring myself to look her in the eye, afraid of what I might find there: a mirror of my own shame, a sting of disappointment. I wish I could have said all this to her privately, but Belov forced my hand, and now there’s no stuffing the genie back in the bottle.
Belov watches Yulian’s departure with a hint of amusement. The mudak is clearly pleased with the unfolding drama. He forced this confession from me to divide our family. If we’re at odds, Aly is easier to control. Well, that motherfucker can burn in hell, because I won’t let it come to that.
It’s Kira who closes the distance first, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. What your father did was—” She shakes her head. “There are no words.”
Before I can argue, before I can explain that I took the coward’s way out, Andrei wraps a hand around the back of my head and presses my forehead against his. “Why didn’t you tell us? This shouldn’t have been your burden to bear alone.”
A lump forms in my throat. “What purpose would it have served other than to start a civil war? Force people to take sides?”
“We would have had your back no matter what,” Daniil assures, his hand resting on my shoulder. “What you did wasn’t shameful, it was honorable.”
My gaze flicks between my brothers, both of them wearing solemn expressions. "Is that what you believe? What honor is there in destroying the person I loved the most?"
I can’t help it now, my eyes seek out Aly’s. Tears glisten on her cheeks as she steps towards me, raising her hands to gently hold my face. Her voice, full of emotion, ricochets off the stone walls. “You did it to save me because it was the only way. That’s an act of courage, not an act of cowardice.” Her words rock me to my core. I don’t know what kind of reaction I expected—revulsion, disappointment, disgust, maybe—but it wasn’t this. This… understanding. “I just hate that you’ve kept this to yourself for so long. It must have eaten you up inside.”
“More than you’ll ever know,” I answer honestly. It nearly destroyed me.
Her face falls. “The truth is I’m horrified, yes, but I’m not shocked. Serge was a brutal man who lived in a brutal, ugly world.”
“I wish I had found another way to stand up to him,” I say, my hands clenched into fists as I admit my biggest regret. “I wish I didn’t have to hurt you like I did.”
“You made the only choice you could have at the time. You were young, he was your father, the pakhan.” Her arms drop around my waist, and she pulls me close, like we’re the only two people in the room. “Your father manipulated you, whether he would have made good on the promise or not, he messed with your head.”
I have no doubt he would have, but it’s not a point worth making. Instead, I press a soft kiss to her lips and murmur a thank you, because her words crack me open, sparking something inside of me back to life.
Behind Aly, Belov shifts position, locking onto me with a heavy stare. “This doesn’t change anything,” he says tersely. “Alyona is still needed by my side.”
Anger threatens to burst from my chest, but Aly speaks up before I can reach for my gun. “I know this whole father-daughter relationship dynamic is new to you, but if you actually care, if you actually want to know me as a person beyond someone you can order about, don’t force this on me.”
