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The only reason I didn't was because she'd want to know why, and I couldn't talk about it. I hadn't told anyone at school about my mother. Not my friends, not my team, no one. I couldn't do it now.
But—in spite of everything, I still wanted to pass English. I wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted the future I had planned out for myself. For that, I still needed Bec’s help.
If I was honest with myself, I'd admit I needed it more than ever. The worse my mother got, the harder it became to focus on schoolwork. Bec was the kick in the ass I needed.
When I spoke, my voice was tight. "Yes, I still need help. Please." At least I hadn't forgotten my manners.
"Then I'll help," she said firmly. "And if it's all right with you, I'd still like to watch practice. I've never seen one before."
"It's cold out," I reminded her. "But if you want to watch, you're welcome to. You could even come for a run around the field with me."
"I could do with the exercise," she said. She averted her eyes and her mouth turned downward.
I could tell I hit a nerve, and I hated myself for doing it. Did she not see how beautiful she was? How much she deserved to be adored and worshiped. The woman was sexy as hell and she had no idea. That made her hotter still.
"Me too," I said lightly. "I'm not going to look like the Hulk if I don't work at it." I offered her a smile.
She gave me one back. "I'd make a fool of myself running in front of everyone, but I wore gloves." She held up her hands. Hergloves were dark red, with yellow smiley faces on them. Exactly what I'd expect from her. Cute.
I wanted to tell her she'd look adorable running, and that I'd happily train with her, but I didn't. I'd get through this final test and that would be that.
We would get on with our lives.
"Those aren't the team colours," I pointed out. "They should be blue and yellow."
"My bad." She lowered her hands. "I'll wear those ones next time."
"Don't forget the matching scarf," I said. "Do you have a matching scarf?" I imagined her all rugged up against the cold and had to hold back a smile. She'd be cuter than a Hallmark movie. Of course, my next thought was about taking off all the layers. Bit by bit, to reveal her luscious body underneath. My hands and mouth wanted to explore every curve, every inch of her.
I swung my bag off my shoulder and carried it in front of my groin.
"Of course I do," she said. "I'm nothing if not practical."
"That you are," I agreed. I nodded toward the door to the locker room. "This is where I go inside, and you go to the bleachers. Unless you want to look at a bunch of naked men." I half-hoped she'd agree, but she shook her head.
"I'll leave you guys to your privacy." She smiled and hurried away.
The moment she was gone, the despair settled on my shoulders again. I stepped into the locker room, determined to spend the next two hours forgetting.
Chapter Eleven
BEC
"And so, just when I thought maybe we were getting close, he put me back in the friend zone. Where I belong." I sighed and dug into the ice cream with my spoon. "It's true what they say."
Grace gave me a sympathetic look. "What is that?"
"Even smart people do dumb things." I shovelled ice cream into my mouth and added, "Maybe I'm not so smart after all."
Grace took the tub of ice cream from me and dug into it with her own spoon. "You're very smart. He's a dumbass teenage boy who doesn't know what's good for him." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Which makes him the average teenage boy."
I snorted and took back the ice cream. "I don't think us girls are any better. Take me for example: if I knew what was good for me, I'd stay as far away from him as I could."
"That's not very far, while you're still tutoring him," she pointed out. She took her turn with the ice cream.
I sat back and exhaled. "That's true. Maybe I should tell Mr Leggit to find someone else."
"This close to the end of the school year?" Grace looked doubtful.
