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“I agree we should get rid of the contract. Destroy it. We’ll both sign whatever we need to in order to make it all go away.”
“And then you’ll stay with me?” He’d get rid of anything she wanted if it meant she’d be his wife for real.
“No.” Her shoulders slumped.
“What?” He was surprised that he hadn’t shouted the word. She’d dangled everything he’d ever wanted in front of his face just to snatch it away.
“Maybe later, but right now I need to get away from this...from you. I need to think.”
“You can think here.”
“But I can’t. I can’t think around you.”
“You just want to leave so you can remember every fucking fight we had.” He stood and walked around the chair, grabbing the top to keep from shaking some sense into her. “You want to convince yourself that this”—he waved his hand between them—“meant nothing. You’ll make yourself forget all the good times we had and just remember the bad.”
“No. I want to breathe.” She stood and walked over to him. “I need to think. To remember the good and the bad and then decide.”
“Decide to leave.” He couldn’t let her go. He didn’t have a chance in hell to convince her to stay with him if he left her alone.
“Maybe”—she touched his cheek—“but maybe not. I’ve fallen in love with you, Harker.”
“Then stay.” He cupped her hand, pressing it against his face.
“I can’t.” She tried to pull away, but he tightened his hold.
“You can. It’s easy. Just don’t leave. Decide to work on this. On us.” He kissed her palm again. He had to convince her.
“Please.” She pulled her hand from his. “I need time away to know if…what I’m feeling, what you’re feeling is real and not some…side effect of all the sex and our friendship…even though that was one sided.” Her eyes filled with hurt.
“It wasn’t. Not really. You were so much more than my friend.”
“Yeah.” She dropped back down on the chair. “I was your project.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You were my obsession from the first time we had lunch. You saw me and…thought about me. That’s never happened to me. Ever. Even my mom always thought about herself first. Her drugs. Her boyfriends and then sometimes me. I was getting my own breakfast at three. Cereal out of a box because it was all I knew how to make. If I wanted a hug or any attention, I had to go to her. She never tucked me in or packed my lunch for school. At best I was an afterthought.”
“I’m so sorry.” She took his hand. “I really am but if this is real, me being away for a little while won’t ruin it. Please, destroy the contract and let me go.”
“Never.” His voice was thick with the anguish he was trying to keep from ripping through him like a whirlwind. She didn’t understand. She didn’t know how it worked. When someone left, they never came back—ever.
“I’m begging you, Harker. This is killing me.” She dropped his hand, almost sobbing. “I can't be with you, feeling like this and I can't keep hurting you. It's not right.”
“You don’t think leaving me is going to hurt worse?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You know. You just don’t care.” His aunt had been right. He must be a fucking monster. It was the only explanation for no one being able to love him.
“Please, if you feel anything for me…If you’ve ever felt anything for me then let me go, just for a bit.”
He hated seeing her cry, making her cry but this went against every instinct he had. Still, he’d do it, for her if...“Promise me that you'll come back.”
She shook her head. “I can't promise that. That's what I need to think about. I need to decide if I think this can work.”
“You can decide that living with me.” He turned and walked back to his desk.
“Harker…”
He sat, glancing at her. “Did you need anything else? I do have work to do.”
