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Ryder shakes his head and starts to protest, but again Ashleigh whips around. A short flash of pain and it’s gone. Disappeared behind the rage as she snaps. “Why aren’t you all sick of me?” Impatience flashes through her eyes as her gaze sweeps across each of us one by one, including me. “It’s all about me! Everything’s me, me, me and it's asphyxiating!” Her shoulders raise with every gulp of air, before she goes on, and her hands tremble. “I know you all care. I know you’re concerned. But my life has been all about me and nothing but me for so long that I’m drowning in it.”
“Ash—” Darryl speaks first, in that soft spoken psychiatrist’s tone, as he steps toward her. But she just pins him with a glare and he stops dead. “This is a big adjustment for you. We’re all aware of that.”
No, we’re not all aware.
“Everyone is so preoccupied with me that even you and Julia have forgotten why we’re here. So please, can I just go somewhere and do something by myself and then maybe you’ll all see that I’m fine?”
“You’re not fine!” Both Julia and Mimi chorus at the same time. Their objections are so vehement that it just deepens the frown in my forehead.
“Ashleigh, you’ve collapsed three times today.” Ryder sighs impatiently, like he knows what’s best for her and is fed up with her fighting him. “And you wonder why we’re concerned?”
She’s collapsed three times. My head spins. What the hell? Am I the only one expelled from this little circle of trust!
“You don’t get it,” she murmurs. Her voice trembles and cracks like she’s going to break. I’ve never seen her breakdown in public. She usually calls upon her acting skills to make it through anything she can’t handle. She hides behind Krystal. “What if you did something foolish, like I did, Ryder? What if the one thing that makes you believe you can deal with anything was taken away from you? Could you live with it? Could you accept that everything’s changed and you’re not who you were anymore?” Slowly, her head began to shake. “I’m a fighter, a protector, I’m the one who looks after everyone else. I don’t need everyone treating me like glass. Like I’m going to break. Can’t you see I’m already broken?” She looked at the five of them huddled around the chair she was sitting on. “Please can the world go back to the way it was. The way it’s supposed to be.”
“Honey,” Julia stepped forward “You can’t change—”
“I can’t handle it, all right?” she cries out. “I shouldn’t have come. It’s your wedding. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. But I’m not ready to be here. Not ready to deal with all these people. I shouldn’t have come. Please, leave me alone. Just for tonight.”
Ashleigh turns and walks gingerly away. She looks fragile.
Julia instantly tries to follow her, but Darryl’s hand closes around hers. He stops her. “Let her be.” He advises her in his soft spoken psychiatrist’s voice. “This is natural. Just give her the space she’s asked for.”
“And wait until she faints again?” Ryder hisses. “No. I’m not leaving her alone!”
“She’s feeling overcrowded, not stupid. I’m confident she’s fine. She wouldn’t have left alone otherwise. She’ll call us if she needs help.”
“Fine.” Ryder shrugs. “But the night just ended for me. I’m ditching.” Then, he casts an apologetic glance at Julia and Darryl. “Sorry, that was rude. But I’m only here because Ash needs me to be and I’m no longer in the mood to be polite to people I don’t know.”
Nothing makes sense anymore. She’s fine. I’m sure she’s fine. But if Ryder is only here because of Ashleigh, and Darryl is obviously treating her again, and everyone else is walking on eggshells around her except me… then what the hell is going on?
“She’s not fine, Darryl.” Mimi draws my attention away from Ryder slipping out the side door. “She only came out of the hospital on Wednesday. Within five hours she'd destroyed her career, within twelve she'd changed her look, within twenty-four she was partying like there's no tomorrow. I don’t care what you say, Darryl, my sister is not fine.”
“This is a big adjustment,” Darryl says. “Things haven’t...”
Wait. What was that?
It takes a few moments for my mind to catch up with Mimi’s words. I replay them a few times to make sure I’ve heard her correctly. Ashleigh’s statement comes rushing back. I needed you and you wouldn't answer the phone. I’ll never forgive you for that.
“When was Ashleigh in hospital?” I ask over the top of whatever Darryl is saying. My fingers curve around Mimi’s shoulder and I spin her around to look at me. “Why was Ashleigh in the hospital?” She doesn’t reply. “What the hell is going on?”
No one answers.
The thing is, Ashleigh stopped calling me almost a year ago. If she needed me a whole year ago and she’s still affected by it… oh, god!
“Is this something serious?”
Again, no reply.
That’s not acceptable. I’ll find out what the hell everyone is talking about one way or another. And I’ll start by cracking the weakest link. Julia!
“Is she sick?” I bark as I spin toward my sister.
“No, I don't think so,” Julia shakes her head. “You should talk—”
“Tell me!” I demand. “You’ve been on my case for over a year to talk about her, and for months to talk to her. Now, she won’t entertain me.” Julia just shakes her head again. “Tell me!” But she’s as closed as clam. “If Ashleigh’s not sick, then what is it?” Nothing. “For fuck’s sake, Julia, why have you chosen today to grow a spine?”
“Because you’re a heartless bastard, Sean, and I’m ashamed to call you my brother!” Julia shouts at me. “You don’t deserve her, and if I’d known what you’re being here would do to her, you wouldn’t be here!”
