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“Don’t,” he says.
I feel the fire behind the one word. I say nothing, looking down, running a fry through the ketchup and pepper. Then I think about Lilo’s grandma and eat it.
He tilts my chin up and our eyes meet. I think he’s going to kiss me, but he sighs instead. I’m breathing him in, forgetting about the lingering smell of sweets in the air. He laughs, surprising me.
“Come on,” he says, standing.
We ditch our trash, and I say, “What?” as we walk toward the beach.
“You’re sniffing the air. Scenting something sweet to eat.”
I grin. “I am, but it’ll have to wait. I need to give my stomach a chance to deflate.”
We say nothing as we trudge through the sand. It’s a little walk from the boardwalk to the actual water. We stop at the edge of it. I watch as the waves rush in, but I have no desire to touch it. It seems like it would be cold. But the sun. It’s high and bright, and I close my eyes, turning my face toward it.
“Freckles,” he says, and his hand touches my nose.
“Just there,” I say.
“What do you remember about your mom?”
Even though the water hasn’t touched me, I feel like the cold of it rushes over my hot skin, and I lose my breath. I open my eyes and meet his.
“Cinnamon,” he says, but I don’t think he means to.
And I see what this is. He told me about his dad. He expects me to tell him about my mom. Pain for pain. He might not let it show, but I know there’s something there. Something that drives him to go a different way. Far, far away from the bakery and the man who lives for it.
“Not much,” I say, my chest tight. “I remember her back as it left.”
“That’s it?”
“Her voice. She could sing.”
“Like you.”
I hum the opening, where the guitar would play, before I sing a song she used to. An old Joni Mitchell tune, “A Case of You.” When the song comes to an end, he shivers, like he’s shaking off a cold ghost.
“She sang to you?”
“Sometimes,” I say. “She mostly sang around the house. I remember that.”
I remember that it felt warm, her voice. It felt safe. I’d hear it in the house and know that everything was…okay. She might have been in a different room, but I could hear her. After she left, the house went silent. Ava felt it, too. She’d climb in bed with me at night because she’d be afraid. I’d sing to her, filling it the best I could. I told her once that I thought it was the reason Sonny constantly kept his TV on. But she didn’t believe me. She said it was to drown us out.
Lilo’s unreadable after that, but I see determination in his eyes, for some reason. He takes my hand and leads me back toward the boardwalk. I think it’s the end of our date, but it’s not.
“You going to ride that with me?” I chuck my chin toward the towering metal wheel when I realize his intentions.
He gives me a look that I’m recognizing as Are you being fucking serious right now?
“Okay,” I laugh, feeling the warmth of the day slide over me again. “Let’s go.”
He puts his arm around me as we slide onto the Wonder Wheel. The seats rock, and I’m almost in a trance as we go around and around. The view is spectacular. I’m feeling brave and a little hungry as we get off. He buys me cotton candy, and I pick on it as we figure out our next move. He takes me on the Spook-a-Rama, which is fucking spooky. Voices seem like they’re coming at us from behind. He pulls me close while I protect my cotton candy.
A smile lingers on my face after we get off. That was probably his plan all along. The entire ride, one of my hands held my fluffy candy and the other was locked on his thigh. I couldn’t get any closer.
The smile falls from my face when I pick the wrong ride. It whirls us around, and I pass out on a really violent spin.
My eyes blink and he’s over me. My head feels weird, and so does my stomach.
