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“Because you refuse to give me a divorce—but now you won’t marry me.”
“You won’t give me what I want.” She already knew what it was, but I said it anyway. “The truth.”
“The truth,” she said, venom in her voice. “You’re the fucking master at hiding that.”
“I never hid who I was.”
“Only the extent of it,” she said. “You could have told me. That night out in the snow. When Paul Gallo showed up.”
“Give me the truth, Lucila.”
The car went silent for a few minutes—a time bomb ticked in my ears, but it was only the beat of my heart.
“You don’t deserve the truth,” she whispered. The fight had gone out of her. She was back to burying everything she didn’t want me to see, even though the pain of it sat on the surface.
She gave me the hurt but hid the secret—the thing causing my death.
“But Carine—she deserves this. It is the truth, we are married, no matter what the circumstances are now.”
“I won’t do this at your expense,” I said.
She laughed, but it was meant to be sarcastic. All I heard was the sadness in it. “At my expense? You bled me dry.”
Four words that buried me.
She looked out of the window, setting her elbow on the door, her hand over her mouth. She shook her head and then went for the door handle. I grabbed her arm before she could get out.
“Ride with me,” I said.
Before she could respond, I put the car in reverse, backing out, then peeled out of the lot. The entire ride, she kept her face turned from mine. Constantly looking out the window. Her eyes brightened when we got to Coney Island and all the lights reflected in them. They were such a vibrant color, cinnamon at sunset.
“You hungry?”
“No.” She sighed.
A grin came to my face.
“What?” She faced me. Her eyes were narrowed.
“I have no fucking clue how you got me on that ride the first time we came here.”
She hated to respond, but she did. “I do. Payback for the ride you took me on—the one that made me pass out then puke.”
“It was messy, but we had fun.”
She said nothing.
“There was something I never told you.”
“There were lots of things you never told me.”
“About that day.” I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I got sick, too. From going around and around on that fucking thing. Take me on anything but something that just goes in a circle and turns like that.”
“You couldn’t have told me that?”
I shrugged. “Didn’t seem important.”
“Maybe it would’ve been to me.”
