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While my body is pulsing in ecstasy, Owen pulls out of me and turns me so we are face to face. I sink back down on him and kiss his luscious mouth.
“How are we so good at this?” I ask and I feel his smile as I kiss him.
“I love you and live to make you scream my name.” As he says this, he is still fucking me, grinding me against him, his hands on my ass. “It’s all I think about.”
I make a lame attempt at smacking his chest, but end up smoothing my hands up and over his shoulders, holding on for dear life.
CHAPTER 19
CLEAN UP ON MEMORY LANE
MOLLIE NOW
The past is a dangerous place for us to think about. My 18th birthday is a particularly risky memory to invoke. No matter how long I live I won’t forget my summer with Owen as a whole but the day I got my tattoo is seared into my brain.
Even in our most blissful honeymoon days, I never felt that level of intimacy and pleasure with Steven. I wrote it off because I thought it was just intense adolescent infatuation and not the mature and steady love that he and I shared. In hindsight, I’m more apt to lean towards what I had with Owen was more real than the sham my marriage became.
“What about finding your girlfriend and therapist banging in your apartment reminded you of my birthday?” I ask, instantly regretting it.
He huffs out a laugh and I join him because it’s a ridiculous question. “I thought of what you said about cheating and I understood what you meant. The minute I saw her fucking him I knew that she was all wrong for me. I wasn’t even really that upset about her sleeping with him, but more about them scamming money from me.”
“It’s a deal-breaker, but that doesn’t spare you from feeling hurt by the betrayal. I’d never take Steven back in a million years but I still want to burn his house down.”
Owen smiles then rubs his hand over his face. “I didn’t notice any new ones, but do you still have that tattoo?”
My face goes red even as I’m grateful for the subject change. “They are permanent you know.”
“Smartass,” he says, “did you get any others?”
I nod but then a little sadness creeps in. We may have shared our cheating stories but there are some things I’m not ready to share.
“C’mon,” I say getting up. “Let’s not let the beautiful day go to waste.” I clear the rest of our lunch stuff and grab my beach bag. He takes the hint that I’m done with this conversation and follows me out the door.
The rest of the afternoon is pleasant. We swim, enjoy the sun, and stand at the water’s edge watching people enjoy the last of the summer. A mom and her son play near us in the surf.
“That kid we saved on the Fourth of July is an adult now,” I say.
“Maybe,” he answers and we both laugh. “Could have been a Final Destination situation.”
“Oh my gosh, that movie, we must have watched it like 20 times.”
He’s still laughing. “It’s a stretch to say we watched it, when I was mostly watching you.”
I feel him staring and when I stare back it’s like there aren’t 17 years of heartbreak and loss between now and then. My smile is weak as I turn and walk back to my chair. I lean it all the way back and close my eyes. I’m not ready for this today. All these old feelings rushing back. It’s been building between us since I got here and know I have to face it but I don’t want to.
He lets me be for a while but I feel him sit next to me after a bit. “I’m sorry.”
I shield my eyes from the sun as I look over at him. “For what?”
“For bringing up memories. Even though we are basically strangers you seem happy to see me one minute, and then angry. I want you to know I’m having similar feelings and I’m sorry we both feel this way.”
I pull my chair upright and stare at him. He’s right, I am thrilled to see him, but the sight of him upsets me too.
“I forgive your ghosting me when we were 18 if you’re feeling weird about bringing it up,” he says and my mouth drops open in shock. “You probably don’t want to talk about it.”
“I did not ghost you, stop saying that. You were clearly the ghoster. I wrote you and called. You’re the one who never responded. I even sent you a text with my new phone and never heard a peep.” We didn’t have phones that summer because the reception on the island was non-existent but my mom gave me a new one before I went away to school and I used it plenty once I got to college.
“Kind of hard to respond when the person blocks you.”
