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“I don’t think I’ve ever blocked a person in my life. When I got to school, I sent you a text with my new number. I know you got that one because I sent it from my mom’s phone. Then I literally never heard from you until you saved me from the shower door.”
“I’m telling you when I tried that number you sent, my texts did not go through because I was blocked.”
“Wait, I know it was a while ago, but I also sent you a letter and never heard back. Are you serious right now?”
“As serious as Harry Potter’s godfather.”
“Are you being a cute nerd at a time like this?” His arms are folded and doesn’t look amused. “So, you are telling me somehow my new number blocked your number and your letter got lost in the mail? Seems farfetched.”
“Maybe, but I did get a letter,” he says but looks undecided whether he’s going to tell me more. I hold my hands out in expectation he will spill the fucking details. “I got one from your mom.”
“My mother?” I’m gobsmacked.
“Yes, and I’m not thrilled to speak ill of the dead, but I’m getting the impression that she was the reason why I was blocked.” I’m speechless, and the more I think about what he’s saying the more dread I feel in the pit of my stomach. I mean, it’s silly right? It happened years ago.
“Explain,” I say in a whisper.
“I’d been trying to call you and sent you a few letters, right before Thanksgiving I got an envelope from your mom’s office with the letters I sent you and one from her. She asked me to stop contacting you. You wanted a clean break at your new school and didn’t have time to maintain something with me. She said you felt it wasn’t fair to me.”
I look at him, really look at him and I believe him. “You bought that bullshit?”
“I mean, yeah. I was crushed but she was very clear. Was I bummed you got your mom to write me? Yes, but now I see that wasn’t the case I feel foolish.”
Tears flow down my face, mourning the loss of what could have been with him. I’m crying for my mother too, because I know she thought she was doing the right thing. I’m stunned and have no clue what to say.
“I don’t know what to say,” I try honesty because what the actual fuck.
“There’s not much to say, it’s in the past and there’s nothing we can do about it,” he says but still seems pretty pissed off.
“No, there isn’t anything we can do about it. I’d have a lot of choice words for my mom if she was still with us but she’s not. I’m sure she thought she was doing the right thing even though we know it wasn’t.”
“Do we?” he asks, looking at me.
I roll my eyes and lean down to put my head in my hands. “I don’t know, Owen. It was a long time ago, but despite the time, I thought what we had was special. Mom wasn’t around to see how we were together.”
“I remember,” he comments and I know he does because he comforted me an awful lot that summer when my mom would blow me off for work.
“She really did change, and as angry as I was at her for choosing work over me for years, it wasn’t worth holding a grudge. We were very close at the end and I know she had a lot of regrets. Maybe splitting us up was one of those.”
“She never came clean?”
“No, but why would she? By the time we were spending time together and traveling, I was married and I’m sure she didn’t want to bring anything up that would make me think less of her or question my marriage.”
“Right,” he says curtly.
“I’m sorry she did that, Owen, more than you can imagine. That year was not easy for me. I was devastated thinking that you would blow me off like she did.”
“I’m sorry too, the last thing I wanted was for you to be hurt.” He’s looking out at the water and I can’t get a read on his face.
“I think the most painful thing was that it was so out of character for you to blow me off, I thought you had lied to me about your feelings. Like, there was no way you loved me if you could cut me off so cavalierly.” I think I cried over that more than anything. Not that his feelings could have changed, but that he just strung me along for the summer in order to get laid.
He nods. “It was so confusing to me as well and it would never have occurred to me that your mom would orchestrate it.”
“I’m still a little shocked, but I can see it. She was very career-driven at that time and she thought me committing to you so young would tie me down to something I would regret.”
My tears are still flowing because I’m just so sad. I’m sure I’ll feel angry later, but now I’m just sad for what could have been, how different our lives might have been.
“Maybe it wouldn’t have worked, maybe you would have regretted me.”
