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Nat: Of course I am. I love you more, ya whore. Call me if you get sadder.
Me: I will, but I feel much better.
I take her advice and go on a walk, the sky is moody so it’s a short one. When I get back, I lock myself in my office and write a chapter and some character analysis. After that, I heat up some leftover pasta and try not to look over at Owen’s house to see if he’s there. He’s not. Since the rain hasn’t started, I go up to the deck to eat my dinner and be one with the cranky weather. There’s nothing I love more than a beach storm.
The wind picks up and I feel a drop so I head inside. I still feel sad and there’s a pit in my stomach that lingers about the decision I have to make. The weight of the past year feels even heavier today.
Like the pathetic person I am, I sit in the cozy chair by the window so I can see Owen’s driveway. I try to watch an episode of Ozark but it’s too intense and I turn it off and just stare out at the storm. It’s really picked up and the sounds of the wind and rain are soothing me.
I must nod off because a loud pop wakes me and I find myself in complete darkness. The power must be out so I reach to my laptop and roll my fingers over the mousepad to wake it up for some light. My phone sits next to it so I grab it and turn on the flashlight to go find my real flashlight and some supplies.
Before I do that, I look out the window and breathe a sigh of relief when I see Owen’s truck in his driveway. I also see the river of water in our street. This is why stilts are a good thing here on this small barrier island. Flooding happens all the time and will most likely never stop until the whole island is underwater.
In the kitchen, I find my big flashlight and a few candles. Better grab the wine so it doesn’t go bad in the fridge too. I find a bag of Sour Patch kids and head to my room with all the necessities to ride this power outage out. Hopefully, it will be fixed by morning. As I breach the entry of my room, it’s lit up as a bolt of lightning zaps a few fish in the ocean.
I light the candles, pour the wine, and tuck myself in with my Kindle to read my favorite kind of smut, Faerie smut. I love a broody man, but one with a giant dick and magical powers? Run me over. Escaping from the current worry about my relationship with Owen and its unsure future is difficult, but a reverse harem including a lion shifter and a dragon helps a little. What can I do? I won’t beg him to get me pregnant, I won’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do.
What I need to do is balance the pros and cons of staying with him. My stomach hurts just thinking about not staying with him. Am I willing to give up something I hold so dear, so I can be with the man I love?
The storm outside is chaos and although I’m safe and warm my small world is filled with pain and uncertainty. I just want a break. I thought reuniting with Owen and us falling back in love was a gift from the universe after having so many heartbreaks. Maybe I am destined to live another life, take another path. Does that mean Owen isn’t my soul mate and I’m meant for something else? All I know is that when I think of my life without him, I feel physical pain. The same feeling I had all those years ago when we talked about our future together. To picture it without him was unthinkable.
I love this place, and as much as she wasn’t here, I believe my mom loved it too. It’s a good place, one where I fell in love with the same man twice. Where I learned to love myself again. I feel safe here. I mean, the lights are out, the wind is windy and the rain is so heavy I’m sure the roads will be impassable for a few days, but I feel safe. Not great, but okay, like I’ll be fine.
Am I going to be be able to live next to Owen and not be with him? Most likely not, but I’m sure we can figure it out. It’s not like he owns that house anyway. Maybe he’ll leave. Again, I feel a pang as I think about him leaving. Ugh, I’m a mess.
I’m mid sip when there’s a loud pounding on the door and I spill white wine all over myself. I pick up the flashlight and head down to see who it is. I know who it is.
Surprise, it’s Owen. I open the door and let him in.
“Hey,” I say folding my arms around my waist.
“Hey,” he says back looking around at the dark house. “Are you okay?”
A million responses cycle through my brain and I can only think of one. “I am now.”
I know, I’m pathetic but it’s the truth. As much as this house and island make me feel safe, it’s really him that ties it all together.
He steps closer to me and he smells like wood and apples. I dip my head because I can’t bear to look at his eyes. If he has sad eyes then I’ll know we are over and I just need more time to get used to that before I can meet his gaze. He’s so close and every fiber of my being wants to embrace him but I won’t do it.
Turns out I don’t have to, since his arms go over and around my shoulders as he pulls me close and holds me tight. “Mollie, talk to me.”
So I do.
CHAPTER 34
SAFE HARBOR
OWEN NOW
“Ever since I was little, I’ve had this idea in my head of what my life would be like. Because my parents were divorced when I was young, I yearned for what people call a normal family. I swore to myself that I’d marry my true love and have a family with them. When I was 18, I really thought that person was you.” Mollie is resting her chin on my shoulder, looking out at the dark. I brush my lips to her temple.
Sensing she’s not done, I stay quiet, waiting for her to continue. I just need to hold her and listen.
“Even though I lost you, I still wanted that idea. Steven was supposed to fill that role. He wanted to marry me right after college and even agreed to start trying for kids after only being married a year. The universe has other plans for me but I still want it. I wish I didn’t but I do.”
“You deserve it all, Mollie.”
She nods and I sense she isn’t ready to hear what I have to say so I just hold her. After today, I can say with certainty that I won’t let her walk out of my life again. If she wants children, then I’ll give her what she wants.
