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There was a void spreading through my body, like when darkness etched its shadows at nightfall. Poisoning and consuming every damn thing in its path. Agony came after the emptiness, filling every crack and crevice, wrapping my heart in a grip that cut my breath off.
My shoulders sank with the weight of disbelief while my feet seemed to be glued to the damn floor. I couldn’t move. My brain screamed for me to get out of here, but the sharp stab smack center in my chest was simply crippling.
Fire burned in my throat from tears begging to fall, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t fall apart here. He would win if he saw me break.
My core trembled, a building pressure rising and irradiating everywhere. I was a time bomb on the verge of explosion.
Liam took a step towards me, his hands still stretched out, reaching for me now. As he moved forward, I took a step back, almost bumping into Alison.
“NO,” I warned, my voice low but steady.
I turned back and marched straight into the elevator, angrily pressing on the button to close the damn doors. I didn’t stop jamming my finger into it, even after the doors had closed and I was safely alone inside this fucking death box.
I stumbled back until my back hit the wall, welcoming the sharp pain I felt after harshly banging the back of my skull against it. Any pain that could muffle the one eating at me inside was a welcomed reprieve.
I had fought the tears, but I couldn’t hold the dam any longer. A loud shriek left my mouth, and I exploded into tears. The panic of being in a small, closed space was completely overridden by the abyss of helplessness I was falling into.
The time it would take to reach the ground floor wouldn’t be enough to pull myself together, so despite my innate fear, I pushed the stop button, giving myself more time to cry my heart out.
My knees gave out from beneath me, and I crumbled to the ground, my body shaking in waves of sadness and despair. There was no stopping the tears.
I knew that they would come for me soon, and all I needed at this moment was the grace of solitude. My phone was ringing without a pause, calls from both Liam and Alison pulling me out of my stupor. I rejected each call, only to have my phone ringing again. I took that small moment of clarity to call an Uber and get out of here, switching my phone off as soon as I was tucked into the back seat of the car.
I knew I wouldn’t be free from them at home, but at least I would be in my own space, shielded from the stares of strangers or co-workers.
The driver was kind enough not to ask. Aside from a curt ‘Are you okay, Madame,’ he kept his eyes on the road and his thoughts to himself while I stared out the window with unrelenting tears falling down my cheeks.
How could he have done this? How could he have said he loved me if he was engaged? Was it all a game to him? Getting me to relent, to fall for him only to destroy me right after?
The answers to those questions didn’t matter at all because they wouldn’t change the fact that the love of my life was engaged to another woman. They wouldn’t change the fact that I’d be scarred for life after being deceived this way.
I took the stairs up to my apartment in pairs, eager to bury my face in a pillow and scream until I passed out. Maybe unconscious, I wouldn’t feel as unworthy, dumb, and gullible as I do now.
Stupid little girl. How could you ever think that a man like Liam would settle for a nobody like you?
Taking the last two steps, I practically ran to my door only to find it wide open. My heart pounded harshly against my rib cage as I tried to scout the visible space inside my apartment without actually entering.
Red roses.
My mind was on the warning Liam had given me about running to Dea Tacita if I ever felt threatened. Instead, my eyes swerved to the doorstep, and seeing that there was no rose there, I took a wary step forward and then another until I was standing in the middle of my living room.
And there he was. Just standing there looking at me.
Only a day ago, I’d say there was pain behind his green eyes, but today, I couldn’t be so certain. It had all been an act. A show to make me fall, only to humiliate me and burn whatever little self-esteem I still had left into a pile of ash.
I squared my shoulders as if I had to prove I was still strong while my nails dug into the palms of my hands to keep my mind off of the pain that had my chest caving in on itself.
“Please leave,” I said barely above a whisper, trying my damndest to hold back the tears as I faced him.
“Jamie, please let me explain.”
“I don’t want to know, Liam. Please go before I call the police.” I threatened, but my voice came out weak and shaky.
“You know they wouldn’t come.” He said, stalking towards me, making me walk back until I hit the kitchen counter. There was no way out now besides past him. “Please just listen to me.” Liam stretched out his hand to touch me, immediately withdrawing as he noticed me flinch. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
You already have.
The thought of his hand on my skin, of the electric current that always rushed through me under his touch, had my tears free-falling again. I’d never feel that way again. I’d never have that touch to myself.
