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Lucas blinks, confused. Then his expression clears and a slow grin overtakes his face. “Are you jealous of Jeremy?”
“No,” I snap, but it’s too late.
Lucas is laughing, bent in half in unmitigated glee. Frustrated and hurt, I try to zip past him, but an arm snakes out and catches me in the stomach. Before I know it, that arm is around my shoulders again and he’s all but dragging me down the hallway.
“No way you’re getting off that easy,” he says, grinning down at me. “Don’t worry, you’ll always be my number one best friend. Forever, okay?”
“You’re just making fun of me,” I grumble.
Lucas stops and grabs the straps of my backpack high on my chest, shaking me lightly until I look up at him.
For once, his eyes aren’t laughing. They’re as serious as I’ve ever seen them. As serious as they are on the bad nights at home, when he escapes to my backyard to avoid his father.
“Peapod. It’s you and me. First and forever. Jeremy’s cool. I actually think you’d like him a lot. But he’s not you. Not us. Understand?”
I nod, horrified to feel an uncontrollable quiver in my lip.
He flicks my chin with his finger. “Quit that. If you start crying, I’ll have to hurt whoever made you cry. And I don’t want to ruin my pretty face.”
I laugh. “You’re such a loser.”
“You’re a bigger loser.”
“Takes one to know one.”
He presents his pinky between us. “Fine. Best losers for life?”
Nodding, my heart soaring, I link my pinkie with his.
I don’t want to think about the summer everything changed. But my dad’s words are like weeds, already rooted and growing inside me. As they spread, they shed spores of shame and doubt and guilt.
Would I have even considered a date with Jeremy if Lucas hadn’t rejected me?
I know these kinds of thoughts are pointless. I loved Jeremy with all my young heart. When I said my vows to him, I had no second thoughts. No thoughts at all except how ecstatic I was, how lucky I was to be able to spend my life with him. Even though Lucas was his best man, I barely saw or spoke to him. He came for the weekend then left again. And I didn’t care because I had Jeremy and I was happy.
I know those facts are true. I know my own heart.
But in knowing, I’m forced to admit that back in high school, I saw a different path for myself. With Lucas. I imagined adventures and nonstop laughter and prank wars to last a lifetime. But those dreams died when he gave me the cold shoulder on that morning at Wild Lake.
Did I grieve him? The sudden absence of my best friend in the world and the heartbreak he delivered? Or had I let those feelings fuel my headfirst dive into a relationship with Jeremy?
I spend the midday hours on my sofa, my chest tight and my eyes dry as I mull over my dad’s words. The doubts growing, multiplying.
Damien comes home from school at four. I pull myself together for him. Make us dinner, chat about his last week of school and the carnival tomorrow. I bribe him with a bowl of ice cream—the price of watching a game show with his mom—and after, he disappears into his room to play video games with his friends.
For him, I pretend that I’m not choking on weeds.
12
By the time families start pouring onto the school’s sports fields for the carnival, I—along with the rest of the parent volunteers—are ready for a beer and bed. Soon enough, though, we’re swept up in the energy of the crowds, kids running and squealing with excitement to the various games and booths, parents trailing behind with smiles.
I wander around with a bag of popcorn, looking for Damien and my parents, but I spot Zoey and Ethan first. With them is Ethan’s daughter, Daphne, who lives in New York with her mom but spends summers in Sun River.
“How’s it going, guys? So good to see you, Daphne!”
She grins, a spitting image of her father with dark hair and light green eyes. “Good to be back. I love that my school ends a week before this one so I can come to the carnival.” She surveys the crowd, anticipation in her eyes. “Where’s Damien?”
I trade a wide-eyed glance with Zoey. “Not sure,” I answer, trying not to smile. “Though if I had to guess, he’s at the skateboarding ramps we set up out by the baseball diamond.”
