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I would occasionally lose her voice and each time, the doctor’s face would start to appear in front of me. Like he was waiting for her to disappear so he could come back. Can he get to her? Is he making her go away? Each time, I start to struggle, worried that he’s gotten to her too. I would hear her voice come back and the scene in front of me would disappear.
Once we got back to the house, I could tell that Sephie was exhausted. I knew she didn’t get much sleep the night before because she was busy keeping my demons at bay. I assured her I would stay awake so she could get at least a few hours of sleep. “Go. Your goddamn prince misses you.”
I knew Adrik was fine with Sephie being around all of us. He trusted us and none of us would ever do anything to betray that trust. We’d been through too much together to ever jeopardize that. It was obvious, anyway, that Sephie only had eyes for Adrik. She looked at him very differently than she looked at the rest of us. She loved us, for sure, but not in the same way. Misha nailed it when he called her our little sister. That’s how we all felt about her. The sometimes bratty, sometimes spoiled, but mostly adorable and always hilarious little sister. The goddamn princess.
While everyone else was asleep, I took the opportunity to set up having Sephie’s piano delivered to the penthouse. I knew we’d be away from the penthouse for a few days, so it would be the perfect time for it to be delivered, without fear of her seeing it. I spoke to Craig, telling him that something had come up and we were away for a few days, but that I would let him know when we were coming back so he could be there for the reveal. I promised he’d be there, and I was always good on my word.
With everything that happened, I hadn’t had a chance to tell Adrik about the surprise. He’d be happy to know how well it was going to turn out. I’d never seen him try so hard to make someone else happy before he met Sephie. With the few girlfriends he’d had before her, it was almost like they were an afterthought to him. If they asked him for something, he’d give it to them, but otherwise, I never got the impression that he thought about them very much, if at all.
This was not the case with Sephie. He thought about her constantly. Worried about her constantly. Anytime he was away from her, he was almost grumpy until he could get back to her. And it had been like this since the first night he met her. As soon as Viktor and Andrei pulled Anthony off her in the hallway of the restaurant and Adrik picked her up that first time, he’s never been able to keep his hands off her since. She can’t stay away from him either. She might come to one of us for a bit for whatever reason, but she always finds her way back to him.
I couldn’t exactly explain it, but I felt a deep need to make sure that she was always able to find her way back to him.
I was left alone with my thoughts for a while before everyone woke up. Most of the time, this wasn’t the ideal scenario. I preferred to keep busy. It was easier when I was busy and distracted. Not being able to do much meant I couldn’t distract myself and had to sit with the memories that always come back when I’m forced to go to a hospital.
I would get angry with myself for still being haunted by it. It was over. It was done. I got myself out of there. I did what I had to do. That was the one good thing that came from that situation, at least. I learned that I never needed to rely on anyone ever again. I could get myself out of any situation that I had also gotten myself into.
It had been ten years since that night when I broke out of the hospital. I didn’t have much contact with any of the other boys in the program, as they would keep me away from everyone else as punishment. But I talked to one of the nurses. I think she took pity on me. She would sometimes sneak me food when they had taken it away from me because I refused to do whatever they told me. She was nicer than the other nurses too. She always looked genuinely concerned.
The night I broke out was her night off. I wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything to harm her. I knew she would try to stop me and I was determined to leave, no matter what. It wasn’t much, but she was nice to me when no one else was. I didn’t see a need to harm her.
I sometimes wonder what happened to her. I always felt a little guilty because it was her key card that I stole to get out the doors. They would find out and think she helped me, I’m sure. I hoped she didn’t get hurt. The only solace I could take was that it wasn’t directly from my hands if she did get hurt.
Everyone eventually woke up and started to reappear in the kitchen. Nobody ate yesterday, which usually means eating twice as much as normal when we do get to eat. Sephie came downstairs and saved the day as usual. She said to tell one of the guards that she’s extra cranky when she’s hungry, so they needed to bring us Vinny’s. Even the outside guards, who didn’t usually interact with her, had heard stories of her temper. They all knew that she had kicked all of our asses at some point.
A few of them had seen her sparring with us months earlier. The weather was nice, so we went outside for her training. Andrei was sparring with her, while Viktor was coaching her technique. The rest of us were watching, impressed with how quickly she could pick things up and how well she could anticipate Andrei’s next move. Her observation skills were next-level. It made it look like she was reading his mind, perfectly countering each one of his moves. Viktor recognized that she was holding herself back though; she was playing defense when she needed to be playing offense. He pulled her aside and said something to her, trying to get her to go harder. She needed to know what it felt like, should the situation ever arise. Andrei knew what Viktor was doing, but Andrei also knew how to get it out of her. He said something smart to her, which made her angry. I’m still not sure how he knew the exact button to push with her to get her angry, but it worked.
She kicked his ass. To the point that Viktor stepped in and pulled her off him. It took her a few minutes to calm down after. Andrei was fine, laughing that he’d finally gotten it out of her. He really was a good trainer for her. He knew if she could learn how to channel that anger that she’d be unstoppable. That was the first time he got a true glimpse of what she was capable of.
Of course, we all knew she was incredible, but that was the first time the outside guards had seen that much of her. They were all completely shocked. And a little afraid of her from that point on.
When we stood up to walk back to the house, I felt the darkness closing in on me again. Sephie saw me sway as I tried to get my bearings and helped me stay steady on my feet. She was worried I wouldn’t be able to make it back to the house, so she helped me walk. It did make it easier, not gonna lie.
She was adamant that I should sleep more when we got back to the house. Even though she kept the demons away in the hospital, I was still panicked about sleeping again. She promised she wouldn’t leave me again, but I was avoiding having to go through it.
It’s one of life’s cruel jokes that the more you avoid dealing with something, the more you’re forced to deal with it.
Everything flooded in at once when I was alone in my room. I’d kept it all back the entire day, but I was tired. So tired. It hit me all at once.
I heard a soft knock on my door but didn’t answer. I was trying to get control of myself. I knew it would be either Sephie or Misha, and I didn’t really want either of them to see me like this. Before I knew it, I felt Sephie slide her arm around my shoulders. She rested her head on my shoulder and just stayed there. She didn’t say anything, she just kept rubbing her hand over my back while I finally broke down.
I never really paid much attention to how much I needed that kind of physical touch. I did just fine without it, but since Sephie had come into our lives, she showed me how much I never knew I was missing it. Especially now. That empty feeling that usually came with feeling this way wasn’t so bad when she was next to me.
Sephie always knew just what to say, or what not to say in this case. I didn’t need to hear about how sorry she was I had to go through what I went through. It’s not going to change anything. She knew that. She just sat with me and let me know I wasn’t alone anymore. That was worth more than anything she could’ve said to me in that moment.
She was like an anchor in the middle of the storm. It didn’t matter how bad it got, how much I got tossed around, I knew she would be there. Holding onto me, keeping me from getting lost in my dark sea.
I’ve spent so much time with my demons that I’m really not scared of them anymore. She was right. If you stop fighting them, they lose their power over you. But I’m still afraid I’m going to get lost and not be able to find my way back when I’m in my own darkness. It’s so peaceful. So quiet. I can feel myself not wanting to leave. I know what happens if I decide to stay there.
She gives me a reason to come back.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Sephie
It felt like I had just gotten to sleep when I felt Adrik stir underneath me. I was still completely on top of him. He probably needed to get up, but I really didn’t want to move. I felt like I could sleep the rest of the day and still be tired. I groaned as I rolled off him onto my back, lying next to him. I heard him laugh quietly as he rolled over with me. I felt his fingers lightly on my face, tracing down my neck. I couldn’t help but smile at his touch.
“Good morning, solnishko,” he said as he left a trail of kisses where his finger had just traced.
