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I finally opened my eyes, finding his smiling eyes watching me fight having to wake up. I ran my hand through his messy hair. I adored the way he looked at me, but after everything that had happened last night, I found myself relieved that he was still looking at me with such love in his eyes. I’d been terrified that finding out I couldn’t give him children was going to make him leave. It still worried me because people change their minds all the time, but for now, he assured me he wasn’t going anywhere. And I finally felt like he proved it once I came back to bed this morning. He’d been holding back, but he finally let go this morning. I finally felt like his words matched his actions. It was everything I needed.
I smiled at him. “You stopped holding back,” I said, my fingers running through his facial hair.
“I was worried I was going to hurt you, physically. But I think I ended up hurting you emotionally by holding back instead. I know you felt it. You feel everything, you notice everything, my little secret weapon,” he said, grinning at me.
I looked at him smiling at me, his hands on me, his body above mine, and in that moment, I couldn’t imagine ever being without him. There was still that small part of me that was worried I would lose him at some point, but with each day, that part got smaller. After last night, I knew he loved me just as much as I loved him. With everything he had. Always and forever.
I pulled him down to me, wrapping my arms around his neck. He laid his head on my chest, my fingers running through his hair. I felt him take a deep breath in. I said quietly, “It was everything I needed.”
He propped himself back on his elbow, looking into my eyes. I knew he was still worried that I was okay after last night. He looked as sincere as I’d ever seen him when he said, “I love you, Sephie. I will always love you and I will always want you by my side. Forever.”
I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, but this time, they were happy tears. I smiled at him, putting my hands on either side of his face, pulling him to me and pressing my lips to his. “I love you, Adrik. More than anything.”
When we came downstairs, it was approaching noon. Everyone but Andrei was in the kitchen, either making food or finishing up what they had just eaten. Viktor looked up from washing a plate in the sink. “Good morning, sestrichka. Are you hungry? There’s still some backup dinner left from last night, although it’s not as good as what you made.”
I laughed at him. “I still can’t believe you guys ate all of it. I thought I made too much.”
He laughed. “We were hungry, but it was also very good. You can cook for us anytime,” he said, winking.
“Maybe I will. It keeps me occupied and out of trouble, which I clearly need help with.” I sat down next to Ivan at the counter. He cut his eyes over to me, but said nothing. “Where’s Andrei? Is he still sleeping?” I asked no one in particular.
Just as I asked the question, he walked into the kitchen. “You rang, spider monkey?” He grinned at me.
“You look better today, Bubba. Sleeping until noon looks good on you.” I wrapped my arm around Ivan’s good arm, leaning on his shoulder. I knew he was still exhausted, but he was also still fighting sleep. Misha caught my eye and winked at me, his broad smile stretching across his face. I knew he was scheming something by the look on his face. Out of all of them, he was probably the most like me in his love for, well, fuckery. I smiled at him, looking forward to finding out what he was thinking.
Adrik took Viktor and Stephen with him again for his few meetings that he had that afternoon. He assured me he wouldn’t be gone long. I still couldn’t help but worry about him while he was gone, but I knew he would be safe with Viktor and Stephen.
Misha caught me alone after they had left. Andrei had gone to take a shower and Ivan had taken a phone call. “I have an idea, gazelle. I think it could work, but I need your help.”
“An idea for what?” I asked. I couldn’t help but smile at him. He was handsome, just like the others, but he had a boyish look that made him extra adorable anytime he was excited about something. His green eyes would always get an extra spark to them anytime he was being devious. It was contagious.
“How to help Ivan sleep through the night. I didn’t think about the battery running out last night, but even still, I only got a few hours of you playing at the gallery, so it would’ve stopped eventually anyway. But, and this is where you come in, I have an extra phone that we can use to record as much of you playing as possible. That way, he can sleep for longer without you having to be there to keep him calm. We just plug in the phone and I can create a playlist that will play continuously for him. It worked until the phone died last night.”
“I like this plan. I approve this plan. I’m still trying to figure out what I need to say to him that will break him out of his loop for good. Adrik was eventually able to break me out of mine, but I can’t seem to find the right words to say to Ivan to break him out.” I looked down at the counter, lost in thought for the moment, trying to figure out the right words to say to him.
“You always know the right things to say to us, gazelle. You’ll figure it out. But this will take some of the pressure off in the meantime,” he grinned at me as I looked up at him.
“You’re my favorite, my adorable Russian guardian. Don’t tell the others.”
Misha disappeared for a bit, keeping Andrei busy for me as well, so that I could have a little time with Ivan. I was hoping he would want to talk about what he sees when he’s stuck in his memories. I was still trying to figure out the right thing to say to him to break him out of the loop, so he could sleep peacefully.
Ivan walked in from the back patio. I was the only one on the couches, so he stretched out next to me. “You still look tired,” he said. He looked apologetic.
“You do too, Squishy. You’re also the one that needs the sleep more than I do at this moment.”
He thought for a moment, staring at the ceiling. He sighed. “I’ll be okay. I can usually get a handle on it after a couple of days.”
“Do you want to tell me what you see when it happens? I’m still trying to figure out the right thing to say to you that will break you out of it completely, like Adrik did for me. I can keep you quiet for a while, but I can’t seem to break you out of it completely. You’re not helping my self-esteem issues, for the record.” I gave him a half-smile, so he would know I was mostly joking. It really was bothering me that I couldn’t seem to break him out of the prison of his mind completely.
He was quiet for a few minutes. He looked at me. “Where’s Misha and Andrei?”
“They went outside to talk to the guards.”
He nodded. “Before you, I would see the doctor that used to torture me. It’s always him that I’m fighting. It doesn’t matter who’s actually in front of me, I can only see that asshole doctor and hear his voice in my head. That’s why it takes all of them to hold me down. I’m determined to kill him each time. But he always comes back, no matter what I do. He always comes back.”
I gave him a knowing look. My uncle had been living in my head for years now.
“But when you talk to me, he disappears. I can hear your voice every time and everything fades to black. I can’t see anything, but I can clearly hear your voice. If your voice disappears, the doctor comes back.”
